Monthly Archive for January, 2008

Mac OSX on a PC

Published on January 31, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 3 Comments

This topic is not very funny but rather one that I am extremely passionate about. I happen to be one of the biggest “Mac Whores” ever and believe that Steve Jobs is a fucking genius at everything he does. Not only with the technology that Apple brings out but also his business model as well. I have worked for several technology companies in the past ten years and had any of them run their company like old Steve, I’d still be there. :no:

So there have been several “hacks” on the internet lately showing how to install Mac OSX on a “Pee Cee”. Why in the fuck would you want to do that? That’s like me taking the motor out of my Porsche and putting it in a fucking Hyundai. Sure you could do it, but it just doesn’t make any fucking sense. I wouldn’t load Windows on my Mac if Steve Jobs himself came to my house and asked me to. So I damn sure would not put OSX on any of the PCs I have. It’s like an abomination of God in a way, almost like cross breeding.

If you bastards want to run one of the best operating systems ever built, that’s OSX for those who don’t get it, save your fucking lunch money and buy a real Mac. A lot of things are better when left alone and this is one of them. Some of you might disagree and you know what? I really don’t give two shits what the fuck you think! Stop spending your money on hookers and crack and maybe one day you can own a real computer? The economy is on a major downfall and you want to know why? Because people like you always want something for free so you pricks feel the need to steal movies, games, music and operating systems. Grow up and pay for your shit bums!

DG

Fast Food Is NOT Fast

Published on January 30, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 0 Comments

So every morning I go to McDonalds on my way to work and order the same thing, one breakfast burrito, a medium coffee and a small OJ. You’d think these fucks could get that right huh? It’s not rocket science, it’s fucking McDonalds! Just give me my hot OJ, stale coffee and burrito that’s been sitting there for two hours and let me get on my way! But that never happens and there is always a fucking problem. Either you have some asshole in front of you ordering for twenty people or the retards behind the counter just don’t give a fuck and take forever. Is being dumb and slow a requirement on a fast food application? I know these guys work for peanuts but if you can’t even put a sandwich in a bag properly, how the fuck do you expect to make it at a real job?

Most of you probably want to tell me “If you don’t like it, just don’t fucking go there”. But you know what? If the fucking places were run like they were supposed to I would not be bitching about it. I mean its like false advertising in a big way. They call it “fast food” but it’s not fast. And they put these pictures of the best looking food ever on the menu and when you get it, it looks like a shit sandwich minus the bread. And then they have the rudest fucking people ever working there. Hey it’s not my fault you didn’t finish school and are forced to slang burgers. So maybe I should go for a career change and open up my own fast food restaurant? I’d call it Doug’s “Better than McDonalds, Burger King and Wendy’s” REAL Fast Food. Kind of catchy huh?

DG

10 Things Not To Get Caught Googling

Published on January 29, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 8 Comments

So I was removing a virus from someone’s Winblows machine the other day and I happened to use their internet browser to do a quick google search. Well lets just say that this said person forgot to clear their search history and I saw a few things they were searching for that I wished I did not see. Needless to say this prompted me to compile a list of 10 things you don’t want to get caught googling. I won’t tell you which one of these I saw on this person’s computer, but let’s just say it’s one of the worst ones.

DG

1. “What is that lump on my balls?” – Woah that’s not something you don’t want anyone to know there!

2. “How to kill your spouse without getting caught” – Well if you get caught googling that, I guess it did not work.

3. “Gay porn” – Unless you’re gay you don’t want to get caught with this one, oh wait I guess if you got caught you ARE gay lol.

4. “How to cure an STD” – You should have googled “condoms” but please don’t use the same toilet I’m using!

5. “Chicks with dicks” – This is the one I saw on the dude’s computer I fixed, whoops did I say that?

6. “How to become a terrorist or sneak a bomb on a plane” – Not a good idea! I think you might get a visit from the US Marshall’s office should you get caught with this one.

7. “Kiddie Porn” – Woah wait a second, if you get caught with this one you should have your ass thrown in jail and raped several times by a transvestite named Bubba!

8. “How to commit suicide” – Well if you don’t know the answer to this one it’s probably best you don’t try.

9. “How to make meth” – Definitely not one to get caught with unless you like to get high in prison.

10. “Home sex change operation” – Damn I think that would be one of the worst ones. Although a pair of scissors and a band-aid doesn’t sound like fun to me.

IF ANY OF YOU HAPPEN TO COME UP WITH SOME ADDITIONAL ONES PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE THEM!

Public Restrooms

Published on January 28, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 2 Comments

We’ve all been out and it happens, you have to take leak or a shit in a public restroom. Now I cannot speak for the ladies, as I usually don’t use the women’s restroom unless I happen to accidentally walk in there while I’m drunk, but men make some weird fucking noises in the shitter. You can be standing there trying to take a piss, all the other urinals are free and some asshole has to stand right next to you and piss. Not only do they have to pee right next to you but do these fucks also have to make the noise like they are on broadway or some shit? They stand there and are all dramatic like “ooooh” “ahhhh” “yeaaa” “ah that feels good”. Aren’t you all embarrassed to do that next to someone?

Or, you walk in and smell the nastiest fucking stench ever like a damn dead rat has been in the bathroom for weeks. I understand that we all have to shit in public, but for Christ’s sake flush it real fast after it comes out, don’t let it linger and kill everyone’s sense of smell. And stop grunting like you’re giving birth! Can’t you take your shit in silence? It’s embarrassing when I’m washing my hands and you come out of the crapper looking like you just built the great pyramids. It’s not an awesome accomplishment it’s just shit!

So please if you are reading this think about other people the next time you’re in a public restroom. It’s bad enough we have to shit or piss right next to you, so can you try and keep the cliff notes to a minimum while you’re in there? And don’t talk to me either, I don’t know you and do not feel like talking about the game while we both have our dicks in our hands. Maybe we should come up with a “restroom etiquette” form? Or better yet people should just learn some bathroom courtesy!

DG

Weekend Again

Published on January 26, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 1 Comment

Ah it’s the weekend again, another whole week passed by and now it’s time for beer and housework. I honestly hate the fucking weekend! I constantly find myself looking for shit to keep me busy, most of which I don’t want to do. I’d really like to just take off one weekend out of the blue. Maybe just get in the goddamn car and figure out where I’m going when I get there. When I was young and crazy I would do that type of shit all the time. But as you get older and occur more responsibility that shit stops. So hopefully one weekend I will gather up enough balls to just take a road trip, hell maybe I won’t come back? :>>

DG

Fuck Game Stop

Published on January 25, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 1 Comment

It’s funny because I was not a big gamer until just recently when I purchased a PS3. I think it’s the Hi-Def that gets me into it more or I’m just a big kid. But every time I go into the Game Stop these fuckers get me somehow, it has happened multiple times. I’m guessing they work on commission there, as they always seem to push shit on me. Yesterday I stopped at the old Game Stop on my way home from work to buy the older Guitar Hero series games because I am getting sick of the songs on part 3. I know, I’m a fucking dork right?

Well I specifically asked the prick behind the counter if the old games will work with the new guitar controller and he told me they would. Fucking lying ass bitch! So I get home to try the shit out and of course it does not work. Well after a few google searches I found a solution but it cost me another 100 bucks for some adapters and PS2 guitars. The bottom line is that these assholes lie just to make a fucking dollar or two on their shitty commission. I’d go in and bitch to the manager, but what the fuck is he going to do? He’s 16 years old!

DG

The Moment of Truth

Published on January 24, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 2 Comments

So the Fox network beefed up this show like it was the best thing since free porn. They called it “the most controversial show ever”. Well that’s just bullshit because I thought it fucking sucked ass! I mean the idea is kind of cool but the way they laid it out was horrible, it was too drawn out and over dramatic. Ask the question and give the fucking answer, no one wants to sit and wait 20 minutes to hear the damn response. I’m guessing maybe it had something to do with the writer’s strike or just shitty producing? Whatever the cause is no excuse, it just sucked!

DG

Gun Law

Published on January 23, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 1 Comment

IF YOU DID NOT SEE MY PREVIOUS POST FROM LAST NIGHT, PLEASE READ BELOW FIRST!

Okay this is a topic that really bites my ass! The state of Florida is trying to toughen up the way gun sales are handled. Fucking with our rights to own guns as citizens is just plain wrong. You all think that by toughening gun restrictions it will cut down on violent crime? THAT’S TOTALLY INCORRECT! You all are probably saying to yourself, why is that Doug? Well let me just tell you that criminals do not go to the gun shop and purchase firearms, they buy them illegally on the streets. So by the government making it harder for the average joe to buy a gun, they are also making it harder for the average joe to protect themselves.

Think about it. Criminals can get guns no matter what, as other criminals steal and resell them. It’s big business! And those said criminals are the ones killing the cops and robbing people like you and I. So by making it harder for the public to buy guns will not help anyone but those criminals as we are leaving ourselves unprotected. Our second amendment as US citizens states “the right to bear arms”. And that is exactly what I believe every American should do no matter where they live! We need to let these bitch ass riffraff fucks know that we wont take their bullshit, but we cannot do that if the government takes our rights away.

Don’t fuck with the good people, like you and I, who just want to protect their homes and their families. Let us buy whatever fucking guns we want, as we are not the problem. The people buying guns legally have every right to do so, and we should not have to wait to buy one just because we had a fucking DUI one night three years ago. Wake the fuck up America and realize where the problem lies and stop trying to take our rights away! So if any of you fucktards disagree with this one, please email me at doug@douggoff.com so I can bitch your ass out on a personal level.

DG

Only In Hollywood, AGAIN!

Published on January 22, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 1 Comment

This story coincides with my planned posting for tomorrow so I will go ahead and post them both. So my wife and I are sitting here watching TV and about 9:30PM we hear this loud banging at our door with someone screaming, “help me”. I grab my fucking pistol like a bolt of lightning, look at my security cameras at someone getting pushed around and kick the fucking door open. I see three guys standing there, one of them obviously beat up, and one of the other two asks, “do you know this guy?” I immediately point my gun and say “I don’t know any of you fuckers, but you better get off my fucking porch before you ALL get shot”.

Well come to find out is that the dude who got his ass kicked robbed the other two guys who happen to live down the block. If I would have known this at the time I would have held his ass there, but I was naturally scared and getting rid of everyone was my first reaction. Well the guy went on down to the next house banging for help while I stood there confused and angry as these fucks were disturbing my evening. So my wife called 911 and needless to say they caught the fucker down the street.

You see if those other two dudes chasing the prick would have said “hey he robbed me” instead of “do you know this guy?” well I would have helped them kick the shit out of him even more. This is not the first time I have had to bust out of my front door with my gun as similar shit has happened before. I don’t give a fuck who you are! If you rob someone, especially in my neighborhood, you deserve to get the shit kicked out of you or even worse. So please read my post for tomorrow, it was already written and is one of the biggest fucking coincidences I have ever seen.

DG

PS: Here is a pic of them on my surveillance cameras.

Bad Ass Kids

Published on January 22, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 3 Comments

Let me tell you all something about what’s wrong with America today. You go out and try to have a good meal and enjoy yourself, and what happens? You have some little fucking brat kid screaming and acting like an ass in the goddamn restaurant. You look over at the parents and these fucking retards could give two shits about the way their children are acting. I honestly want to get up and smack the fucking daylight out of these people!

What the fuck is wrong with parents today? You all let these kids get away with anything they damn well please and don’t realize the consequences. You see what will happen is those little fuckers will get older and act worse as time goes on eventually ending up as grown whiny pussies. And you, the parents who don’t five a fuck, are to blame for it all.

We’re so worried about hurting kid’s feelings that we no longer reprimand them. All we do is put them in “time out” or take away their fucking Nintendo Wiis. It’s bullshit! If you taught them right from wrong now while they are young you might do the world a favor and the kid will grow up to be somebody instead of stealing someone’s wallet. So take responsibility for your kids and correct them when they’re wrong before they end up on America’s Most Wanted.

DG