Monthly Archive for February, 2008

Carlos Mencia

Published on February 29, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 0 Comments

So my wife and I went out last night to see Carlos Mencia at the Hard Rock Casino here in Hollywood. For those of you who have been in underground for the last couple of years the Hard Rock is where Anna Nicole Smith died. Well we had seats about four rows back from the center stage and they seemed to be in a great spot. But about four minutes into the show we had two of the fattest, tallest and smelliest fuckers in the world sitting right in front of us. The guy who was sitting in front of my wife was about five times the size of her. And his wife, who was sitting in front of yours truly, was about three times the size me. What nerve huh?

Carlos Mencia was funny as hell but it was extremely hard to get into the show as all we could see were the hot dog rolls on the back of this couple’s necks. And every time Carlos moved to where we could “kind of” see him, these fatasses moved their heads in the way. It was almost like these people were doing this shit intentionally. Not to mention that one of them kept farting profusely and it smelled like someone had actually shit on the floor in front of us. Why stuff like this happens to me all the time I don’t know. But the next time it does I’m calling the Fat People Police.

DG

How to Make a Pedophile’s Sister Rich

Published on February 28, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 1 Comment

Are you all familiar with Dateline NBC’s show “How to catch a predator”? Basically they setup decoys to pose as teenagers in online chat rooms to catch pedophiles. They then setup meetings with the “Chesters” and bust them for soliciting sex with minors. It’s fucking sick to see the variety of people who are looking to have sex with young children. And it’s even worse to whiteness the tactics these scumbags use when trying to lure these kids in. All of them say the same thing when they get caught too, “I’ve seen this show before and this is the first time I have done this”.

So one “Chester” who happened to get caught, and was also a Dallas attorney, committed suicide in jail and his sister is now suing NBC for 105 million dollars. The worst part is that a judge actually ruled that this lawsuit can now go to trial. Maybe you will see that judge on the show next time looking to have sex with a 12 year-old boy, asshole. Some might say that what is happening to these “Chesters” is entrapment and that’s why this case should go to trial, fuck that!

What people are failing to realize here is that these sick fucks are looking to have sex with kids who are sometimes under the age of ten. These are perverted fucking people with a serious problem and we want to defend them? Shouldn’t we be looking at the sick crime these fucks would have committed had those decoys been real kids? And that “Chester’s” sister should be ashamed of herself. Her brother was a fucking pedophile and would have done sick shit to an unsuspecting child. What if this happened to one of your kids you heartless bitch?

DG

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm #3

Published on February 27, 2008 in Daily Bitching and Things That Make You Go Hmmmm. 5 Comments

Why do women wear big panties with tight pants?

DG

Toy Soldiers

Published on February 27, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 3 Comments

So I was getting high the other night and watching Intervention on A&E. There’s something about watching 35 year-old crackheads that makes me feel good about myself smoking a little weed and drinking a lot of beer. I happened to come across a story of a young man who was in the Iraq war. This guy was so fucked up that I wanted jump through the TV screen and try to help him myself. He was not on any heavy drugs but he was one of the worst alcoholics I have ever seen. What really got me on this one was how he became to be this way.

This guy was not your average addict. He was made an alcoholic by our wonderful American government. You see he enlisted in the US Army at the age of nineteen and was immediately sent to Iraq. He not only witnessed all his friends die in front of him, but he also had to clean up all their bodies. Obviously this gave him an excuse to start drinking but this guy is on his way to killing himself. How we can take kids who cannot legally buy a handgun or a beer at eighteen, hand them explosives, machine guns and send them off to kill people is beyond me.

The Army recruiters are the fuckers to blame for this shit too! They tell these kids whatever they want to hear just to get them to enlist. They will claim the Army is where you can be all you can be and establish a future, but that’s not the case for everyone. This kid cannot get a job because the only work experience he has is killing people and cleaning up their bodies. Don’t get me wrong here because I am not anti-military. I just don’t agree with sending children without any life knowledge into a situation in which they are not ready for. I seriously think the armed forces should limit the duties of soldiers under twenty-one because we are ruining these kids for life.

DG

Dumb Americans

Published on February 26, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 3 Comments

Every night I watch my favorite news program, ABC News with Charles Gibson. Not that I don’t read what’s going on in the world all day on the internet, but I really like at the end of every story how Charles Gibson always says “from all of us at ABC news, I hope you had a great day and from all of us a good night”. For some reason I feel really fucking special when I hear that. So anyway old Chuck told of a story yesterday that shocked the ever-living shit out of me. Did you all know that 27 million Americans cannot read or write?

This has got to be the one of the craziest things that I did not know! How the fuck does one make it throughout life not being able to read? How do you work, or if you can’t work how do you fill out a welfare application? I just cannot imagine how life would have worked out for me had I been one of those 27 million people. That number has got to be false I mean really that’s a lot of fucking people. I wonder if that survey includes all the foreigners who cannot read or write English? They could count for at least 20 million right?

But in all honesty how do we let this type of shit happen in the grand old US of A? How low are our education standards that we let 27 million people slide through life not knowing what the fuck they are signing? Think about it, if you couldn’t read and I asked you to sign a “release form” you would willingly sign it. But what if it really said you have to give me a blowjob twice a day for the rest of your life, or as long as you had teeth? So you see being illiterate could really screw you, literally!

DG

Jennifer Lopez’ Kids

Published on February 25, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 1 Comment

So I was reading a story which stated that People magazine will be paying Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony five million dollars for the exclusive first pictures of their new twin babies. That’s a hell of a lot of money for some pictures! The thing that bothers me here is that there was no mention of Jennifer Lopez or Mark donating that money as a charity contribution. Seriously what the fuck do they need another five million dollars for, baby bling?

It’s sick that we will pay these assholes that much money for a snapshot of some babies who will probably be ugly anyway. There are parents in this country who can’t afford diapers or baby food and that money would go a long way to help people in need like that. This is another example of the greed in America and how we just piss money away on shit like this. I could only hope that J-Ho and Mark use that five mil for a good cause instead of pocketing it to buy useless crap.

DG

Man Purses

Published on February 23, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 3 Comments

What’s the deal with the man-purses I see guys walking around with? To me this is definitely not a fashion statement, but more like a sexual preference statement. I can’t see a guy having anything important in a fucking man-purse. Seriously what the hell do you carry around in those things, makeup and keys? The only time a guy should be carrying a purse is when his wife is in the bathroom and she asks you to hold it for her. Some might say that man-purses are a form of metro-sexuality but the term “metrosexual” is not in my vocabulary, hell spell check doesn’t even see it as a word. You’re either gay or not gay, but you cannot be in the middle. Call me old fashioned but when I see a dude with a man-purse I’m thinking in my head, “wow what a flamer”. No offense to my gay reader!

DG

No Respect For The Dead

Published on February 22, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 4 Comments

This story here is one that I almost want to puke over. You see my father is buried at a cemetery about 400 yards from my house and I frequent his grave often to make sure it’s kept up. A few months ago I went for a visit to leave some flowers and to my surprise someone had stolen the vase from his headstone. I looked around and quite a few others were gone as well and I could not believe someone would be so coldhearted. I honestly would have killed the fuckers had I caught them in the act of this crime and not even felt bad about it. Needless to say I called the funeral home office the next day. They were extremely sympathetic and agreed to replace the $300.00 vase for free. A week or two later my dad’s vase was there and I had forgotten about the whole thing until now.

Well I open the local news’ website last night and see the Hollywood police department had nabbed a man for selling stolen copper vases at a local scrap yard. They caught this son of bitch and all he got for twenty of the fucking things was fifty-five bucks! I feel like bonding him out jail, kicking the shit out of the guy and then revoking his bond. It’s one thing to be a thief but when you steal from a dead person you really have a fucking mental problem. I’m giving this douche bag my official “Doug’s Asshole of The Year Award”.

DG

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Things That Make You Go Hmmmm #2

Published on February 21, 2008 in Things That Make You Go Hmmmm. 1 Comment

Every time I go out somewhere and I see security guards, why are they always FAT?

DG

Yes Ma’am

Published on February 21, 2008 in Daily Bitching. 2 Comments

I have this habit of always saying yes sir, no sir, yes ma’am or no ma’am when I talk to people. Nine out of ten times I get responses like “Don’t call me ma’am I’m too young for that” or “Sir? Why are you calling me that, were you in the army?” No I am actually trying to be polite, that’s how I was raised. You see when I was growing up if I did not say ma’am or sir I got the shit smacked out of me. My parents taught me a little something that kids nowadays don’t have, its called respect. I feel like a fucking idiot when someone gets upset when I call them ma’am or sir. It’s almost like everything I learned growing up on how to respect people is looked at as insulting now. How can this be?

DG