How come hot dogs come in packs of 8 but the hot dog buns come in packs of 10? Can anyone explain this to me?
DG
Monthly Archive for August, 2008
Okay so there aren’t too many things that gross me out but this happens to be one of them. There’s nothing worse than having to take a big shit, you go to use the bathroom and there is piss all over the fucking floor and on the toilet bowl. It’s one thing if the pee pee is your own in your personal bathroom but when it’s at work or someone else’s house it’s just really fucking gross. You see I grew up with all women so if I didn’t wipe the toilet down after missing the bowl of course I was the one to blame, so that means I am trained to cleanup my own urine. But some people just don’t give a fuck and feel the need to piss all over the fucking place and not even wipe it up. There’s not too much more I can say on this other than you lazy fuckers need to stop pissing all over the damn place. And if you do happen to pee on the floor because your dick is too small to reach the toilet, at least have the fucking decency to cleanup after yourselves. The next time I go to take care of “business” in the shitter and there’s piss all over I swear to God I am going to fucking lose it! Stop being so fucking nasty and piss in the bowl, this isn’t Cuba Goddamn it!
DG
All right so I have touched on this topic before but that was almost a year ago so I figured I could talk about this again. Yesterday after I left work I had to run a few errands on my way home so I had pass through some of South Florida’s major intersections. Well on just about every heavy traffic corner there were these panhandlers standing out there with signs that read “Homeless and out of work, please help.” Now I’m not a complete dickhead so if I see someone in need I have no problem giving them a few bucks if they seem to be disabled or really fucked up. But these guys looked to be about my age and didn’t seem like they would have any problem getting a job, as they looked rather healthy and clean for street beggars. It almost seemed like these guys were in cahoots with each other sort of like “organized panhandling”.
When I see people out begging for money like that it really makes me fucking sick because these guys looked like they would have no trouble at all doing a little manual labor. It’s not like they were disabled war veterans or some shit so there was really no excuse for them to be standing on the corner looking for a handout. Instead of having their signs read “Please help gimme some money” the signs should have said “Will WORK for my handout because I have the ability to”. I have absolutely ZERO respect for anyone with the physical ability to work but is just too fucking lazy to do so.
You see this is one of the big problems in America nowadays because everybody wants something for nothing. How come everyone else in this country can get their asses up each morning, go to work and EARN their living but these lazy bastards think they can get a free ride? Like I said it’s one thing if you physically cannot work but if you can walk your ass to the corner each day to beg then you can walk your lazy ass to a place of employment and get paid for your services. So if any of you see these guys out panhandling for your hard earned money, do yourselves a favor and use your judgment before giving them a Goddamn dime. If they’re in their 30’s and walking without a limp don’t give them a fucking thing! How many of you all think the same way as I do on this one?
DG
Okay so this lady I know her fiancé happens to be a police officer for the Broward County Sheriff’s office here. I’ve known these people for quite some time and the guy was visiting me at my office yesterday for some computer help. Well even though the dude is my friend I still get nervous around him like he’s going to take me to jail or some shit. I was standing there shooting the shit with him and I kept stuttering like I was in trouble with the law as if I was getting interrogated. Even though he’s a really cool guy and we get a long quite well there’s just something about police officers that really makes me fucking nervous. For instance I could be driving down the street and a cop pulls behind me for a mile or two, even though I’m not doing anything wrong I still get the butterflies in my stomach as if I was trafficking a couple pounds of dope.
I’m starting to think that I have some type of police officer “phobia” that just takes over when the cops are around. I think this has to do with a lot of shit that happened when I was younger. You see when I was a teenager I was constantly getting harassed by the police and I was arrested several times. Yup, yours truly has spent a couple nights in the slammer for doing dumb shit. Can you all believe that shit? One time this fucking asshole cop pulled me over in front of my house, tasered me in the ass after pulling me out of my car and I shit myself because of the shock. Well this bastard wouldn’t even let me change my Goddamn undies before taking my ass to jail for doing nothing.
So you see there is some substantial reasoning behind my police officer “phobia” here. Mind you all this shit happened almost ten years ago when I was a punk ass kid but it still affects me to this day. Maybe one day I’ll get over this shit as I am a law-abiding citizen now but that probably wont be possible without some extensive therapy. So there you all have it, I’m totally afraid of the fucking cops like I was a recent cover story off of America’s Most Wanted. I don’t know why this shit happens because I really don’t do anything wrong anymore other than having my gun and a little weed. Do any of you fuckers happen to get nervous around the fuzz too?
DG
I was reading an article yesterday about this rapper, who I’ve never heard of, called Young Berg who recently got his ass beat and his jewelry stolen while visiting Detroit. Now I’m sure this type of shit happens all the time but this particular story is quite amusing. Apparently this “Young Berg” guy, from Chicago, was talking shit about other rappers from Detroit in one of his songs. Well when Mr. Berg recently paid a visit to Detroit for a radio interview he decided he’d go out to a local club called Plan B to party a bit. I guess as soon as he walked into the club he didn’t realize it was owned by none other than the rapper he was talking shit about and he got the shit kicked out of him by the guy’s goons and also got his ridiculous looking “Transformers” necklace snatched right off his neck.
I have two complaints about this whole story here. The first is this fucking idiot Young Berg for wearing a diamond-encrusted necklace with the “Transformers” logo on it. Come on man, what kind of stupid ghetto shit is that? Look at the picture of it! Who goes to the jewelry store and says, “You know what, I feel like blowing a hundred grand today make me chain with a shit load of diamonds that looks like the Transformers.” and then walks around with that shit like he’s cool? So my first “DumbAss Of The Week” award goes to the no-name rapper Young Berg for wasting his money on that ugly piece of shit chain. You deserve to get that shit stolen you fucking dummy!
Now listen to this part of the story. The guy who did this to the Young Berg fellow not only kicked the kid’s ass and stole his ugly fucking necklace, he also took a picture of himself wearing it and posted it on the internet. Now come on this fucking guy has got to be the asshole of the year for this stunt. How fucking dumb do you have to be to incriminate yourself like that? You sir, whoever you are, are going to jail soon because someone knows who you are and you know what? They’re going to tell on you because you’re a fucking idiot! So my second “DumbAss Of The Week” award goes the dumb shit who took this guy’s jewelry and then bragged about it online. Why are these guys so Goddamn stupid, can any of you explain this to me?
DG
As you all know the National Football League is currently in their pre-season stage. And over the past weekend my team, the Dolphins, played so I was wearing my team jersey all day Saturday to show my support. Well when you wear your favorite team’s schwag and go out in public you always seem to run into some asshole sports fan who feels the need to school you with their opinion on how the team should be ran their way. You could be standing in line at the grocery store or at a bar and all of a sudden these “know it alls” seem to pop out of nowhere just to start a conversation with you. It doesn’t matter if it’s football, golf, baseball, hockey or racing etc. these fucking idiots always seem to know what’s wrong and how the coaches and players should do things their way.
Now the problem here is that these fuckers honestly believe that they have the special remedy to fix all of a particular team’s issues and will preach that shit to you for as long as they can. These are the guys who were never successful in any sport themselves but now all of a sudden at forty years old they think they have some type of coaching ability or some shit. Just because you are the assistant coach for your ten year old’s little league team doesn’t mean you have the skills to coach the fucking Yankees! Don’t sit and try to tell me that just because you watch sports on TV that it makes you skilled enough to make major decisions for a professional team.
Seriously what’s the fucking deal with these “know it all” people? At what point in your life do you all of a sudden become a “professional” at every fucking sport known to man even though you’ve never even played the games? Why do you assholes think that you can do a better job than someone who gets paid millions of dollars to coach professional sports? And why do you feel the need to preach your beliefs to the rest of us who just want to watch the game and not talk about everything they “should” be doing? Shut the hell up, watch the Goddamn game and stop pretending to be the “coach” for every fucking team out there. You’re not a professional and you never will be, keep your damn opinions to yourselves!
DG
Here’s some good advice, it’s NOT a good idea to have a farting contest to see who can light the biggest fire out of your ass because someone could possibly burn down the back yard.
DG
Is it just me or do the chicken wings at Chinese restaurants seem to be bigger than normal chicken wings? :no:
DG
So I’m standing in line at Dunkin Doughnuts the other morning and of course there is an extremely long line. Well the fucking asshole behind me was one of those people who are in a hurry but doesn’t seem to realize that there are about ten other people in front them. You know the kind of dickhead that thinks he’s the most important person in the line and thinks that by standing extremely close to the person in front of him it will help get him through the line faster? Well anyway this fucker kept bumping into me and standing on top of me like he was trying to get me to dance or some shit. Then I was checking my email on my iPhone while I was standing there and I glance over and this dick face is trying to read what’s on my Goddamn screen. Then I had it! I politely asked this guy “Hey man, what’s you’re fucking problem?” He gave me a look like I just killed his dog and said, “Excuse me”. Excuse me? You’re invading my fucking space, stepping on me and trying to read my what’s on my damn screen and all you have to say is “excuse me”? What is the fucking deal with people like this? Why do you think you can just do whatever the fuck you want and stand over me like you’re my fucking parent? Well I’ve got a fix for when this shit happens again. I put a song on my phone by the Police that was made famous back in the 80’s, “Don’t stand so close to me!” So the next time some rude fuckface is standing on top of me I’m going to simply play that song and maybe they’ll get the message. Back the fuck up and give me a little room to breathe asshole!
DG
Over the past couple of weeks I have been selling quite a few things on ebay. Most of it is for a friend of mine and the rest is just shit that I had lying around collecting dust. Now when I list the stuff on ebay I always put specifics in the description section stating what the item is, the warranty, the specifications, that I will only ship to the continental US etc. etc. But everyday since I started to list this stuff I have been getting these fucking assholes asking stupid questions like “How much to ship to the UK?” and “Are you sure the item is working?” Or for instance lets say I have an item with a starting bid at four hundred dollars I get some fucking idiot asking me “will you take three hundred for it?” No you Goddamn retard, are you out of your fucking mind?
I have been buying and selling stuff on ebay for over five years now and my feedback rating is at 100% with a little over 200 positive feedbacks. But it’s getting to the point where I just want to get rid of the shit I have listed there and NEVER sell anything on ebay again. These fucking people are so annoying with their dumb questions that have already been answered if they would just read the damn description on the item. I’m sick of you whiney ignorant fucking people and your stupid questions. Learn how to fucking read or don’t ask me anything at all because you dicks are not going to get a nice answer from now on. Don’t get offended if you ask me an idiotic question and I tell you to go fuck yourself!
DG
Comments