Can anyone please tell me why it is that all crackheads have the same fucking walk? Is that like some type of identification for the rest of us when we see them walking like that to know that they’re a crack smoker?
DG
Monthly Archive for January, 2009
Alright so yesterday I was at my buddies house who happens to live next door to my mother and sister. Well my sister has this fucking pitbull for a pet and the damn thing got out and ran into my buddy’s backyard where there were a bunch of people hanging out. Now the dog is pretty friendly because she’s a puppy and really all she wants to do is play. But to anyone else, like me, when you see a pitbull running at your ass you tend to get a little scared. Me personally I fucking hate pitbulls! Not because I fear them but because of the way people raise them. I’ve got quite a few friends with pitbulls for pets and all they do is teach the Goddamn things to lock onto their chew toys which in turn makes the dogs learn how to lock their jaws when they go to attack. That is the problem with these fucking things, you teach them shit like that and then when something happens the dog is now trained to lock down on whatever the fuck it bites like people. Seriously I think there should be tougher regulations regarding the sale of these things and the people who own them. I think that if you want to own a pitbull you should have to take some type of safety class similar to that of when you go for a concealed weapons permit. If you think about it that actually makes a good bit of sense because pitbulls are kind of like weapons in a way, if misused can be very fucking dangerous. Just like some people shouldn’t own guns some people also shouldn’t own a damn pitbull. I don’t like the fuckers and I probably never will because of the fact that their stupid ass owners don’t know how to properly raise and care for the things. So if you’re reading this right now and you are a pitbull owner please do yourselves a favor by keeping the Goddamn things on a leash and away from me, because I carry a .357 Glock with me and I will have no problem testing it out on your fucking pitbull if I think that fucker is going to bite me!
DG
So yesterday I got probably one of the nastiest emails I’ve seen in quite some time. Normally I would have forwarded this on to everyone but I was so grossed out that I thought I would just post it here instead. What you’re looking at here is a woman who apparently never wipes or washes her ass. I’m assuming these pictures were taken on some type of hiking trip but I’m not too sure of where these pictures originated. Lets take a look at the first one here.
Yes what you are looking at is some nasty bitch’s ass covered in flies! Now the only time you normally see flies like that is when there is shit around, so I am assuming this woman’s ass is filled with fecal matter that she either forgot to wipe her ass or she just shit herself, either way it’s pretty fucking gross. Now let’s take a closer look here at what’s going on down there.
Honestly this has got to be the nastiest woman ever! I have experienced quite a few smelly people in my lifetime but never once have I seen any insects flying around them like in this case. Someone needs to teach this woman some personal hygiene skills, can you imagine what that probably smells like down there with all those fucking flies buzzing around? Gross huh? Well let this be a lesson to all you nasty bastards out there, always make sure you wipe and or wash your fucking ass because you may end up in someone’s email box or possibly on their blog!
DG
So I’ve recently had the opportunity to be the person in charge of hiring a new office assistant at my place of employment. Now we’re not too sure if and when we are actually going to hire someone but we are entertaining the idea and interviewing a few people. And no I’m not hiring anyone I know so if you’re looking for a job and I know you please do not ask me. Anyway so the other day I put an ad for an office assistant out on the internet. With this job posting I put some very specific details, one for instance said to please forward all resumes to a specific email that I setup and to not contact us directly. Well what do you think people started doing? You guessed it, the dumb bastards starting calling and asking “ya’ll high ren?” Well if your stupid ass could read and follow directions then you would have seen that we asked that you NOT call us about the position and simply email your information only. How do you fucking people expect to land a job if you cannot follow simple instructions such as that?
Now onto the next gripe about all this, the moronic fucking people that are applying. You would think that in today’s market with all the people out of work that if you’re looking for a job you’d take extra care as to how you present yourself in electronic format. For instance I got a resume from a girl and her email was crazybitch119@XYZ.com. Now I don’t know about the rest of you but to me that’s not a very good start in showing that you’re good at representing yourself let alone our company, especially when you can get a new and professional email address for FREE just about anywhere. Now that wasn’t the only fucked up email I got with a name similar to that but you all can get where I’m coming from on this.
So I decided to take things to the next level here and took the email addresses of each person who I thought was a good candidate and searched for them on Myspace and Facebook to get a better judge of their character if you know what I mean, sort of like a prescreening. Well let me just tell you that I’m not a big fan of the social networking scene but for this particular reason I’m in love with them. How can you go out and look for a job using the same email address you use on Myspace when you’re all over the site looking like a fucking wanna be thug chick with her middle finger pointing out, with gold teeth and weed leaves all over your page? I mean I looked up quite a few people and most of them seemed like real dumbasses based upon their Myspace and Facebook profiles. Grow the fuck up with that shit please!
Now I know that I present myself here on my blog as a loud mouthed cursing dick face but God forbid If I ever needed a job this site would be the first thing to come down. The rest of you idiots should take into consideration that one fucking google search can find anything out about you and that potential employers do in fact use the internet to research you dummies. Seriously if you’re looking for a job you have to know that getting hired is all about presentation and when you do shit like some of the examples above your ass will never land a fucking job. I was under the impression that most of the unemployed people in America were that way because of the economy but I’m starting to think that you all don’t have jobs because you are a bunch of fucking morons. So if you’re out job hunting and you’re wondering why no one has called you in for an interview take a look at what the fuck you’re doing wrong and maybe just maybe you might have better luck with your career search.
DG
Alright so every time I go to write something here I’m constantly finding weird news to share with you all instead. Today’s story is about a Russian man who got a little drunk and made the mistake of trying to rape a raccoon. I guess this dumb fuck didn’t realize that raccoons are pretty dangerous and when the guy went to have sex with the damn thing it didn’t appreciate it and in turn bit the guys dick off! Now I don’t know about the rest of you all but I myself have been drunk plenty of times and never once considered having sex with an animal, maybe a hairy fat girl who resembles an animal but that’s not the same. There’s an old saying that goes something like this, “If you fuck with the bull you’ll get the horn!” Well in this guys case he fucked with the raccoon and lost his horn all together. Seriously people do yourselves and everyone else a big favor, please please don’t fucking have sex with animals! Not only is it immoral and disgusting, it’s also pretty dangerous seeing as what happened to this dumb asshole.
DG
So when I read the headline for this story the other day I just couldn’t pass this one up.
“Police in Nigeria are holding a goat handed to them by a vigilante group, which said it was a car thief who had used witchcraft to change shape.”
Oh yes you all are reading that correctly! Apparently some Nigerians believe that certain people have the ability to perform witchcraft and that those people can transform themselves into goats or other animals after committing crimes, like in this case. Can you imagine if that shit happened here? If I even mentioned something like a goat tried to steal my car I’d be thrown in the fucking nuthouse so fast for a physiological evaluation it wouldn’t even be funny, but yet the Nigerians have actual police officers who believe this type of shit actually happens. It just makes you wonder what other crazy beliefs people in this world have that we don’t hear about. So the next time any of you visit Nigeria do yourselves a big favor, stay away from the fucking goat transformers!
DG
Okay so I came across this video the other day and I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so fucking hard. The headline basically speaks for itself and there’s no way in hell that I was going to pass up sharing this one with you all. So take a look at the video and please tell me what you all think! 
)
DG
[video:youtube:XT2UmZxzmjs]
Why do you fucking people log on to your instant messenger accounts just to tell the rest of us that you’re either “away from my computer right now” or “here but not available”? Wouldn’t it just be easier to turn the Goddamn thing off until you’re able to chat?
DG
So here I am up at six o’clock in the fucking morning, as I was woken up by a loud bang outside of my bedroom window. I go out to see what the hell is going on and yet again there is another car accident out in front of my home, it happens about once a month in the same spot. Apparently some dumb fucker ran off the side of the road and crossed paths with a rather large oak tree. I approached the guy to ask if he was okay while I was calling 911 and he seemed like he was a little bit intoxicated, telling me “it’s okay I called someone to come pick me up!” I was like um buddy you just totaled your car into a fucking tree man I don’t think you can just call someone to pick you up. What the hell are you going to do with the car? I then asked him how the fuck did he run into a tree and he proceeded to tell me that he was looking for something in the car, took his eyes off the road and then hit the tree. I think maybe he spilled his beer or some shit and that might have been what he was looking for who knows. Now when the cops got there he told them that someone had cut him off and that’s why he crashed. Now me being the nice guy that I am, plus it was cold and extremely early, I decided not to say anything, go back inside the house and mind my own Goddamn business. Sure I could have told the cops what that guy told me and also rewound my surveillance cameras for them, but why? Seriously why get involved if the guy already totaled his vehicle, isn’t that bad enough? I mean I did my part by checking on the guy to make sure he was okay and also by calling 911 so I let the police do what they get paid to do and came on inside to drink my coffee and take my morning shit. Now that I’m sitting here thinking about it I honestly believe that I did the right thing by just shutting my fucking mouth. The guy already is having a really bad day so why make the shit worse for him? Would any of you done the same?
DG
Okay so I have to admit that I am a huge fan of the Simpsons. I’ve been a fan since they were first released back in the late 80’s when I was in fourth grade and ever since then I watch the show religiously. Now I happen to have collected a shitload of Simpsons schwag, that’s memorabilia for you dummies, over my many years of being a fan. At one time I kept all of the Simpsons shit that I have at my house until my wife finally said enough is enough and told me that I could no longer keep it at our home because she claims that it’s “tacky”. So basically I had to improvise and took most of my awesome Simpsons stuff to my office and it now has it’s own dedicated wall behind my desk, it actually livens up my office quite a bit. Now the problem that I have is that no matter who it is, or how many times they have been in my office every time someone walks in they ask the same stupid fucking question, “so you like the Simpsons huh?” Um hello no fucking shit dumbasses! It’s like do you people honestly think that I fucking hate the Simpsons and that’s why I have an entire wall dedicated to all the money I’ve wasted on their stupid shit throughout the years? I mean give me a fucking break here, is it really necessary to ask that shit? Can’t you say something like “ah nice look at all the Simpsons crap you have” or “wow you’ve collected quite a bit of memorabilia and I hate and/or like it”? But no every time I get the same Goddamn question and every time I give the same response, “no I don’t like the Simpsons at all but my new religion requires me to have a shrine dedicated to them so that way I can make it to the afterlife you fucking moron!” Seriously if you tards are going to ask a stupid question like that don’t get mad with my smart-assed response back to you!
DG
Comments