Monthly Archive for July, 2009

Another Ridiculous Friday Question

Published on July 31, 2009 in Doug's Friday Question. 5 Comments

Yea bitches it’s Friday again and you know what that means? Yup another stupid question from yours truly and please don’t ask me why. Let me tell you all how I got this week’s question before I just blurt it out. I happen to love asparagus, it’s probably my favorite of all vegetables and I eat it all the time. But with that love of asparagus comes a big problem, fifteen minutes after eating it when I pee my piss smells like a fuckin sewer. Well after several smelly pees I decided to do a google search to see why my piss smells so bad after eating my beloved asparagus and I came to find out that 50% of all people who eat asparagus develop the smelly urine and 50% of people do not. Well after reading that article I became extremely curious to see how many of you out there suffer from the same stank ass piss side effect of asparagus as I do, which leads me to this week’s question. Does your urine smell like a shit factory after you eat asparagus?

DG

Police Corruption Has Got To Stop!

Published on July 30, 2009 in Only In Hollywood. 5 Comments

Here’s a story that should piss just about anyone off. Four Hollywood Florida police officers are now under investigation after being caught on a dash camera covering up a crash that was caused by one of the cops. Not only did one of these boys in blue crash into a woman while she was on her way home, they also charged her with a DUI and causing property damage while driving drunk. Then you can hear them clear as day on the tape below claiming that they need to, “do a little Walt Disney to protect the cop because it wouldn’t have mattered because she is drunk anyway.” It really fucking disgusts me to see the people whose salary we pay and also trust with our lives acting like this, it’s sick actually.

Sure that lady probably was in fact drunk, but why try and cover up such a minor fender bender when all you would have probably gotten was a citation? For real what was the big deal that you dirty cops felt the need to falsify reports and put your jobs on the line for a fucking accident? Oh I bet you I know why, because some of you fuckers feel that because you have a badge that you’re above the law. Well you know what? I’m glad you bastards got caught! It’s cops like these guys that leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth and gives good police officers a shitty reputation.

The worst part about all this is that the four policemen in question here are on PAID administration, meaning that even though they are caught red handed on tape our tax dollars are still paying these guys to do clerical work. Who in the hell made that decision? I sure as fuck wouldn’t want these dirty cops handling any of my paperwork after what they did, would you? Another fucked up part about all this is that now the Hollywood Police Department will have to go back and look at all of the cases these officers have ever been involved in risking a chance that real criminals might get off on technicalities because these dumb fucks want to falsify reports.

Nice job fellas! You’ve now made the Hollywood Police Department look bad yet again and also questioned the public’s trust in our law enforcement. When you’re a police officer you take an oath to follow the rules, you guys didn’t and for that you idiots should be fired because the proof is right in front of us. Just because you’re a cop doesn’t make you above the law, you’re no different from anyone else. If anyone else went to work and tried to cover up a mistake they would probably get fired, so what makes you all any different? How about you readers be the judge here. Take a look at the video below and tell me do you think these guys should still be getting paid to file papers or should the sons a bitches be fired?

DG

CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL STORY

CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL DASH CAM VIDEO

[video:youtube:iVguA2rG7U4]

Is your dog lonely?

Published on July 29, 2009 in Daily Bitching. 6 Comments

I totally had something way different written for today’s post but then I woke up, read about this new contraption and there was no way I wasn’t going to comment about this one. Meet the Doggy Love Doll, the newest trend in dog “toy’s” for your pet.

It’s actually sex doll for dogs, can you believe that shit? Yes someone actually manufactured this thing AND it seems as if pet stores all over cannot wait to put this thing on their shelves. I simply cannot believe that A. a company took the time to design this dirty little poodle puss and that B. people are actually lining up to buy the damn thing. I mean I guess it’s a good idea because the Doggy Love Doll will probably keep your horny ass dog off yours and other people’s legs, but it may turn your dog into a fukin freak! Either way I think this is kind of funny and I wish that I could do the advertising for this little guy. It would go something like this,

Is your dog lonely or experiencing social anxiety issues? Is Fido having a problem finding bitches on the block to mount so he resorts to your leg and ruins your pants? Well have no fear because the Doggy Love Doll is here! This is all the companion your dog will need for the rest of his doggy life. He can lick it, fuck it, chew it, slap it around and then fuck it again. Don’t be a bad pet owner by making your dog suffer with regular masturbation, no get him the Doggy Love Doll and you’ll regain that best friend status back with your pet. And the best part is that if you act now you’ll get not only one but TWO Doggy Love Dolls for our low introductory price of only $19.99! That’s right and the next time you leave Fido alone he’s going to thank you for buying him his new friend. Act fast because supplies are limited!

Oh man I would have killed to see Billy Mays do an infomercial for this fucking thing!

DG

CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL STORY

You used to be the best Mineo’s, now you suck!

Published on July 28, 2009 in Daily Bitching. 6 Comments

Let me start off by telling you all that this topic here is one that pisses me off to the extreme. Yesterday I went into work early and busted my ass straight through from 9AM until about 12:30PM, as Mondays are usually pretty hectic catch up days. By the time noon came around I was hungry as hell and we decided to order lunch from a famous chicken wing place that has been around for over twenty something years. A little close to 1PM I got my food delivered and was ready to chow the fuck down. I open my container and to my surprise they got my fucking order wrong leaving me with soggy un-breaded chicken wings and of course no celery and blue cheese. Okay I was thinking I could live with that because I ordered onion rings too, which I really really wanted by the way. So I open my container of onion rings and Goddamn it if it wasn’t one big clump of onion, breading and grease. Fuck it I said, I’m not eating any of this shit because I was so freakin pissed off.

Seriously I don’t think there is anything worse than being hungry and expecting one thing and getting something totally different or a screwed up order. I know this may sound petty to some of you but it irks the shit out of me when people cannot get my fucking order right, not once but several times. I’m not one to return food either because I know that once you complain you’re probably going to get some ‘special sauce’ added to your order, so all I do is get grumpy and eat something else. Yea I’ve bitched about this before and I’ll probably do it several more times because there’s always going to be some dipshit working at a restaurant who is too fuckin incompetent to take an order properly. I know one thing is for certain though, I’ve been eating Mineo’s wings all my life but you can bet your ass that I will NEVER step foot in there or order from those assholes again.

DG

Come on now tell me here, would any of you have eaten this either?

Dumb-Ass Of The Week – “Crazy Cracker”

Published on July 27, 2009 in Dumb-Ass Of The Week. 2 Comments

Here’s a perfect example as to why most criminals get caught, because they’re fuckin stupid! This 19 year old kid here, Sean Roberts of Tampa, thought it would be a good idea to pull an armed home invasion a couple weeks ago and probably thought that he got away with it. Well he may have gotten away if he had used a mask or if he didn’t have a huge tattoo with the State of Florida on his fucking face. Yup that’s how the victims identified old Sean because he was too damn dumb to realize that there aren’t too many people in Florida who have our great state outlined on their cheeks. Not only does this tard have the Florida tattoo the report is also showing that he has another one on his head which states, “crazy cracker”. What an outstanding citizen huh?

“The armed home invasion occurred about 5 a.m. July 8 at a Riverview mobile home. Roberts and a woman entered the home and threatened the residents, forcing the victims into a bathroom, deputies say.

Roberts, 19, of Riverview, and the Billie Kiser, 28, took prescription drugs, a DVD player, a CD player and $120 in cash, Callaway said.”

Now not only did this idiot rob a home without a mask while sporting one of the most unique and ridiculous tattoos ever, he also did this home invasion in a fucking trailer park! Duh, I’m no genius here but one would think that if you were going to break into someone’s home that maybe you should at least do it in an upscale neighborhood? Come on Sean you are now sitting in jail without bond for a DVD player, not even Blueray, a CD player not an Ipod and 120 dollars? Dude you are so Goddamn stupid that you deserve to be in jail! You could have avoided all this Sean if you weren’t such a punk ass kid who thinks he knows every fucking thing in the world. Do yourself a favor, take your dumb ass back to school, learn a real trade and give up at trying to be a criminal because you’re not good at it!

DG

CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL STORY

This Week’s Friday Question

Published on July 24, 2009 in Doug's Friday Question. 7 Comments

You all have to greatly excuse me for this week’s question, as I don’t know why my mind thinks of shit like this but it does. I got my question this week because someone else has totally done this to me before, a few times. I myself have never done it but I have actually considered doing it a couple times in the past. And again please excuse my curiosity here. I so cannot help it!

“Have you ever taken a shit so BIG that you just couldn’t help but show someone else?”

DG

Dumb Asses Of The Week – With Michael Jackson Tattoos

Published on July 23, 2009 in Dumb-Ass Of The Week. 2 Comments

Okay so I promised no more Michael Jackson coverage but damn it if I just couldn’t help but make fun of these dumb fucking people. TheChive.com posted a picture gallery the other day showing a bunch of recent Michael Jackson tattoos people have been getting. When I looked at some of these I started to get this weird feeling in my stomach like I was going to throw up or something. I mean I’ve got quite a few tattoos but never in my life would I tattoo someone on me whom I had never met. I’ve got one on my arm of my father who passed away several years ago but he was MY DAD not some overrated pop icon that I only know by his music and weirdness. It’s like seriously what in the fuck is wrong with you people? Out of all the tattoos you could have gotten why in the hell would you pick Michael Jackson? Nothing like a brand new MJ tramp stamp for you sexy ladies, or men, our there huh? Oh and some of them aren’t even that good! Yea take a look at some of these MJ tattoos that look like someone drew Michael Jackson and then smeared his face to look like he had even more surgery. These tattoos are just stupid and make absolutely no sense at all. Tell me would any of you consider tattooing a dead person who you’ve never met on your ass to have it be there for the rest of your life?

DG

CLICK HERE FOR ALL OF THE PICS

Oh yea! Sexy momma! I hope your children never ask why you have a child molester tattooed or your ass cheek!

Nothing says “class” like a nice tramp stamp I tell you! Are you going to let your boyfriend come all over your new tattoo??

I’ve got something for you assholes!

Published on July 22, 2009 in Daily Bitching. 6 Comments

Some of you may remember my rant on Monday about the loud ass neighbors I have living behind me. Yes they’re still making a shit load of unnecessary noise and I’m seriously about to lose my fucking cool with these bastards. They were arguing yesterday but it wasn’t as loud as normal and I said to my wife, “they must be down the street or something.” Nope, they were inside and I could still hear them like they were outside. Well I think I have figured out what I am going to do about the situation. These idiots are as “ghetto” as it comes, also Spanish, and I know there is one thing that they probably wont like. You know what that is? Country Music!! Yup I am going to the pawn shop today to buy myself the biggest, and cheapest, fucking speakers I can find, putting them outside in the back yard and I am going to blast me some Hank Williams as loud as I possibly can.

Sure I don’t like country music that much, but hey fuck it I’d rather hear Rhinestone Cowboy all day than listen to these people that’s for certain. I’m going to fill my iPod today with as much country music as I can and play the shit around the clock directly at their house until they call the cops on me. Then when the cops come I will explain to them why I am playing the music so loud, tell them my friend I grew up with is a Sergeant with the police office here in Hollywood and when they tell me to have a nice day and leave I will turn the music back up. Fuck these people, I hate them and I am not about to just sit here and let them do whatever the hell they want! Enough is enough with this shit already!

DG

This Is Why Most New Music Sucks

Published on July 21, 2009 in Daily Bitching. 3 Comments

Ever wonder why most of the new commercial music that comes out lately kind of sucks ass? Well this guy from Hate By Numbers totally breaks it down for you with his analyzation of the new Black Eyed Peas song, actually he is labeling it as “the worst song ever”. I agree with everything this guy says and if you have a few minutes to kill go ahead and watch the video below. Sorry I don’t have anything better for you all today but I got drunk last night, yes on a Monday, so ultimately I am late for work, hungover and tired. But hey at least the video is good. Have a great fuckin day people!

DG
[video:youtube:Xn2Ox4nUIAk]

Wouldn’t you like to be…… My neighbor…… PLEASE!!

Published on July 20, 2009 in Only In Hollywood. 5 Comments

Oh man what a great weekend I had, not! Let me tell you all why, it’s because of the fucking assholes I have living behind me. There’s a young girl, maybe 20 at the most, living there with her punk ass boyfriend and all their other thug wannabe friends and they are fuckin loud as all hell. All these fucking people do is fight with each other all day and all Goddamn night. Saturday I had to call the cops on these idiots not once but THREE freakin times because they sounded like they were about to kill each other over there. They’re so loud that I can hear them all the way in my bedroom, with the door closed, air conditioner running and the TV on full blast. The worst part of it all is they have a young infant living there being exposed to all this crap.

I’ve never formally met any of these people but I can tell you that I absolutely hate them! Never in my life have I heard such loud and ridiculous screaming for such a long period of time. It’s not just once a week, no it’s EVERY fuckin day with these people and I am sick and tired of this shit. Apparently they believe that they’re straight outta Compton with the way they talk with this “yo dog, my nigga dog” shit coming out of the mouth of young girl who’s not even black. It’s disgusting actually and I’m so fed up with these fucks that something has got to be done.

I know when they first moved in there was the girl’s mom living there but she has seemed to vanish off somewhere and that’s when the bullshit started. Now the house is full of loud punk ass kids who have absolutely no respect for their neighbors. It’s getting to the point to where every time I open my back door I hear this loud mouth little bitch yelling and I so want to walk over there, smack her in the fucking face and tell her to shut her nasty mouth before I pull her tongue out with a pair of vice grips. Yes people it is that bad! The cops aren’t helping the situation any and judging by the way these people argue so much there’s probably no sense in trying to talk them into shutting the fuck up. So what the fuck can I do here other than move? Any suggestions?

DG