Monthly Archive for April, 2010

So this is what we’ve come to in America?

Published on April 30, 2010 in Daily Bitching. 4 Comments

Last night I headed on over to the Pollo Tropical to get myself some chicken and rice to eat. Now one would think that buying chicken would be an easy task, not in South Florida. So I get to the front of the line, give the guy behind the counter my order and this fucker just stood there staring at me like I was a total idiot. I gave him my order again and still he was giving me this dumb confused look. The next thing you know he went to get the manager to take my order. Why? Because the fucking guy couldn’t speak any English! Can you fucking believe that shit? Since when do we let people who can’t speak any English at all take people’s orders at restaurants? What is this country coming to when I can’t even go pickup some shitty takeout food without having to get a translator to order it for me? We have let this language shit go too far in America and I’m really pissed about it. Since when did the English speaking American citizens become the minority here? Don’t get me wrong I’m not turning this into a racial issue, but for Christ’s sake this is totally fucking ridiculous!

My grandmother came to this country from Poland many many years ago and she was unable to speak any English at all. You know what she had to do to survive? That’s right she fucking learned how to speak English so that she could adapt to this country. I’m not saying that America should stop allowing people from other countries to come here because we’re all immigrants, I’m saying that if you do come here a prerequisite should be that you learn our language. It’s pretty bad that I can’t even order food anymore because you bastards are too lazy to learn to speak English. Seriously if you’re living in America and you are unable to speak our language you should be deported until you learn the shit. This is now twice in one week that I have been treated like I’m the foreigner in a place that I was born and raised. What the fuck America? Why and how are we letting this shit happen to us?

DG

Nothing like a hot cooked penis!

Published on April 29, 2010 in Daily Bitching. 2 Comments

Oh man so today’s story is one that makes me laugh, but also want to totally puke my fuckin brains out. The other day I was watching the Travel Channel’s Bizarre Foods and these guys were out in China at an all penis restaurant. Yes you read that correctly, a restaurant that serves over THIRTY different types of animal dicks for your eating pleasure. Supposedly there is a high nutritional value in cocks and the Chinese believe that some penises, like snake penis, will enhance your sexual organ if you know what I mean. Now I don’t know about the rest of you but I don’t think there’s anyway possible that I would be able to eat any type of penis. Honestly the only time I might consider eating some animal’s johnson would be if I were dying and that dick had the cure. The funny thing about what I was watching on Bizarre Foods was how the two hosts were so into the peckers they were chowing on. They were saying things like “oh this penis tastes so tender in my mouth” and “wow this snake penis is really soft in taste” oh and how about the “my yak penis is bigger than your yak penis”. I tell you I couldn’t stop laughing this shit was so funny. Seriously if you can take a little penis humor then I suggest you watch the video below for a great laugh. Oh and I almost forgot to ask, would any of you ever eat an animal penis?

DG
[video:youtube:Yc0KV3NvmNw]

Caption My Fuckin Photo!

Published on April 27, 2010 in Caption My Fuckin Photo and Daily Bitching. 8 Comments

I’ve been getting a pretty significant increase in my blog traffic lately and I’d like to try and get more of you to interact. Now what I have decided to do is create a new section entitled ‘Caption My Fuckin Photo!’ where I’ll post a picture and your job as a reader is to add your own captions as to what YOU see is going on in this picture. For all of you dumb fucks out there I have decided to post the definition for what caption means just in case you’re too stupid to know what I’m referring to here.

caption:

n caption [ˈkӕpʃən]

A title or short note written on or beneath an illustration, cartoon, cinema or TV film. Example: a witty caption.

Okay now that you all know what the hell a caption is let’s move on to the fun part. What I’d like you all to do is take a look at the picture below, think about what you see in your mind is going on in that picture and then write a caption to describe your thoughts. I’m even going to do one of my own! Hopefully if this goes well I might try this once a week or so.

DG

Photo Source

Talking about someone in Spanish when you know Goddamn well they don’t speak it.

Published on April 27, 2010 in Daily Bitching. 4 Comments

Today I would like to talk about one of those things that would piss off just about any American person. You see the other day I went down to the Hertz rental car place to obviously rent myself a car for my upcoming road trip. Now the thing is that when I got there I was a little late. I was supposed to be there at 10AM, but got busy at work and couldn’t get over there until about 11:10AM right. Well when I walked in this rude bitch behind the counter got all pissy about my lateness and decided she was going to become mega-bitch. She was like, “Urgh sir, you were SUPPOSED to be here at 10 and it’s after 11. We gave your car away.” Okay um, no big fucking deal bitch just give me another car. You all do have cars and all being a car rental place don’t you? That’s when the bullshit started…

This dumb whore called her manager up and the two of them sat there discussing my business in Spanish knowing Goddamn well I don’t speak their language. You know that really made me fucking mad and to me is just fucking wrong and plain old rude. How the hell are you going to stand right in my face and talk about me in a different language? Would you pricks be okay with me doing that shit to you? Just because your customary language is different than mine doesn’t give you the right to talk that way when I am totally oblivious to what the fuck you’re saying. That shit is WRONG and I am so writing a letter to the people at Hertz to let them know how rude and unprofessional their employees are.

It’s just really fucked up when you Latin folks think it’s okay to be total fucking douche bags and treat the English speaking people like idiots, especially when I’m buying a service from you. Do us all a favor and speak your language while in your own country or within the presence of people who you know all speak your language. Don’t get me wrong here this isn’t a race issue at all. I’m just making the observation that these two fuck tards of people were totally being assholes with regards to the way I was treated. If you’re living in this country, employed, bilingual and in customer service I would highly recommend that you treat the people shopping wherever you work just the way you’d like to be treated you ass holitos!

DG

Slower Traffic Keep Right, That means you asshole!

Published on April 26, 2010 in Daily Bitching. 2 Comments

Okay so this past weekend I had to take a little five hour road trip up to Gainesville. Well I must say that I absolutely love road trips, as there’s something really relaxing to me about taking a long ass drive. The thing that I hate about these road trips is the fact that you other people have no fucking clue as to how you’re supposed to properly drive on the highway. What is supposed to happen is that when you’re driving in the left fast lane and someone is approaching behind you at a high rate of speed it’s your duty to pull into the right lane to let the faster moving traffic by. You would think that most people who drive would know this, but 90% of you are total fucking idiots and do not follow this code of the road.

Yes I could have shaved several minutes, maybe even an hour, of time had you bastards gotten the fuck outta my way when I was coming up behind you doing 90mph while you are doing 60. You see if the damn speed limit is 70mph and you’re in the left lane doing 65, you’re doing something wrong! Also if you notice that several people are passing you from the right lane, you’re also doing something wrong. Why do you assholes have such a hard fucking time grasping the idea of “Slower Traffic Keep Right”? Is it that fucking hard to pay attention to what’s going on around you, or are you just too damn stupid to know how to drive? Whatever the reason is it’s bullshit and really pisses me off to no avail. Learn the rules of the road or please stay the fuck out of the Goddamn fast lane you idiotic son of a bitches!

DG

Yes sir, another dumb ass Friday question!

Published on April 23, 2010 in Daily Bitching. 2 Comments

So this week’s Friday question is a little off the wall, just like the rest of them. I don’t know how or why the fuck I think of shit like this but I do. You ready?

So do gay guys walk down the street and whistle at other men like straight guys whistle at women?

DG

Another dumb idea for dumb people, doggy highchairs.

Published on April 22, 2010 in Daily Bitching. 1 Comment

I’m up a little early today, as I have an all day seminar I’ll be attending, but I wanted to let you all know about how fucking totally stupid this doggy highchair thing is. This is a device created by some asshole who knows that some pet owners go way too far when it comes to their animals, so whoever invented this is capitalizing off of idiots. Yes you can buy a doggy highchair so that way your dog can now eat with you at the dinner table just like a little baby. Awww isn’t that fucking cute? Actually it’s not, it’s one of the most ridiculous fucking things I have ever seen in my life. What complete idiot would possibly buy one of these and sit their smelly ass dog at the table with them while they’re eating? Please if you can find me someone who has purchased one of these send them my way so we can air them out here and let the rest of the world know how damn stupid they are. If you’re one of these people planning on buying a doggy highchair can you do me a big favor? NEVER come back to my site again and forget you even know who I am. There’s no way in hell that I would ever associate with some dipshit who thinks that having your pet at the dinner table is a good idea. If you purchased, or are thinking of purchasing, a doggy highchair I think you should save your money and spend it on a few therapy sessions because you’re fucking crazy!!

DG

Dumb Ass Of The Week – Drunk Barbie Car Guy

Published on April 21, 2010 in Dumb-Ass Of The Week. 2 Comments

Okay so this story is absolutely fucking hilarious to me. There’s not much to the tale here other than a guy in the UK got a little drunk and decided he was going to take his souped up Barbie Jeep for a little ride. Well as soon as the cops saw him driving this thing down the road at a whopping 4mph they decided to pull him over. Guess what he did? Yup he tried to lead the police on a high speed chase in a fucking Barbie car.

“As a means of transportation it left something to be desired in terms of comfort and street cred.

And when police asked the driver to pull over, the Barbie car, with its top speed of 4mph, was hopeless as a getaway vehicle.

Paul Hutton, 40, is regretting his impromptu roadtrip after he was arrested for drink-driving when he tried to take the battery- operated child’s toy to a friend’s house.”

Oh yes this guy here definitely deserves the dumb ass of the week award. For one why the hell do you even own a souped up Barbie Jeep in the first place? And second, wouldn’t it have been faster to let’s say maybe WALK instead of cramming your big ass into a kid’s toy? Seriously this guy is just not too fucking bright if you ask me. Well he got his punishment and has lost his driver’s license for the next three years. If I were the judge I would’ve done the exact same thing! It never ceases to amaze me at just how fucking retarded grown ass people can be sometimes.

DG

Click here for the full story.

Happy 420

Published on April 20, 2010 in Daily Bitching. 2 Comments

So some of you may or may not know what today is all about. Well I’m going to fucking tell you! Today is April 20th, better known as the old 420. What does that mean? It means that no matter who you are or what you do for a living that you have the right to smoke pot today. Preferably at exactly 4:20PM on 420 you’re supposed to stop whatever the hell you are doing and light up a fat ass J of some boobonic chronic just like Snoop Dogg. Yes today is one of the best days of the year, almost as good as July 4th only you’re not allowed to blow shit up today. So there’s no bitching allowed on 420. Nope today is a day of love, happiness and a lot of marijuana. Believe it or not I think I’m about to spark one up right now before I head off to work. Why not right? Wait what was I saying???

DG

Genitals For Jesus

Published on April 19, 2010 in Weird Fucking News. 4 Comments

Here’s a lovely way to start off our work week. A Catholic church in Oklahoma is under scrutiny lately for something that some say is offensive to them. No it’s not a priest/boy relationship, it’s a crucifix that shows an image on Jesus Christ’s stomach resembling a penis. Yup a lot of the churchgoers have left the St. Charles Borromeo Catholic church because they are offended by the resemblance of a large organ on their savior’s belly. It seems that the church in question, and the artist who created the crucifix, have no problem with the way Jesus is depicted and claim that his abdomen is “showing distention” similar to what would’ve happened during his crucifixion in real life. The artist is claiming his version of the crucifix is art, but the church people are claiming it’s pornography. Well I personally don’t see anything wrong with the picture myself, but then again I’m not a stuck up tight ass either. So my question is very simple today, do you or do you not find the image below of Jesus offensive?

Oh and yeah that’s definitely a penis!!

DG

Click here for the full story.