Fuck I went out on a Thursday night until 3AM, and seriously I feel like fuckin shit right now. How in the hell did I used to do this shit all the time?
DG
Monthly Archive for May, 2010
As most of you can probably tell I’m a pretty unique person. I like to do and say outlandish shit all the time because, well, I like to see the response on people’s faces. Now being this way kind of makes me a handful to deal with at work, and most definitely at home. With this being said I would like to take a little time out today to let the world know that I really LOVE and APPRECIATE my wife for putting up with my shit all the time. My wife is my best friend and I truly could not ask for a better life partner. She takes my craziness with stride and supports me with all of my multiple projects that take up a shitload of my free time. My wife is very supportive of me and sometimes, well most of the time, I wonder just why in the hell is she still with me? It’s a great feeling to wakeup every morning next to someone who you know loves and cares for you. It’s also a great feeling to come home from work to see such a beautiful face waiting for me with a big smile. Honestly I can’t believe I have such a wonderful woman in my life and I thank God everyday that she is mine. Honey I fuckin love you and thank you for being the best wife a man could ask for!
DG
P.S. No I didn’t do anything wrong!
That’s right it’s Wednesday, which means it is also Caption My Fuckin Photo day. What’s your job as a reader? To look at the picture below, think about what it’s saying to you and caption the fucking thing. Pretty simple huh? Well stop staring at the fucking thing and add your caption already!
DG
I have no idea why the new Justin Bieber craze has hit all over the world here, but to be quite honest I cannot stand hearing about this little fucker all the time. I don’t really understand why everyone thinks that this shemale kid is so great. His voice sucks, he’s the weirdest looking kid I’ve ever seen and he knows nothing about being in love but seems to be singing about his ‘life experiences’ that he has yet to experience. Basically the fucking kid sucks and is probably the most annoying little fucker in the world right now.
Well if you agree with me and you want to take this fucking kid’s name and pictures out of ANY website you visit you can now do so. These guys over at Free Art Technology, or F.A.T, have come up with several web browser plugins that will allow you to ‘shave’ Justin Bieber’s name and photos from ANY website you go to. That’s right it’s called Justin Bieber shaving and all you need to do is visit the FAT website, install their plugin and you will no longer be subjected to anything Justin Bieber. This plugin is ingenious and I cannot thank you FAT guys enough for providing us with this handy tool. Fuck you Justin Bieber and thanks for ruining the music industry.
DG
Click here for the Justin Bieber shaving tool
Oh and here’s a video with instructions on how to Justin Bieber shave.
[video:youtube:HOeX-P_hOXY]
So most of you know that the oil spill in the Gulf caused by the bastards at BP has yet to be contained and is spreading like herpes at a porn convention. Now some of you may or may not know that when the oil leak started about a MONTH ago Russia offered to help stop it by sharing how they too had to deal with similar situations. Russia claimed that when this happened to them they decided to detonate a bomb on the ocean floor causing the oil main to collapse and of course stopping the spill. To me a little blast at the bottom of the ocean three or four weeks ago would’ve caused way less damage than what is about to happen with all this oil. But nobody listened to the Russians and now we have millions of gallons of fucking crude oil floating in the ocean. This bullshit caused by BP is now the biggest environmental disaster in US history, and still the damn leak has yet to be stopped. My question for this week is one that has been bothering the shit out of me because I cannot understand why this has gone on for so long. Can someone please tell me why the fuck hasn’t the US government stepped in to stop this shit already? Hello, anyone out there want to maybe um protect our country’s livelihood?
DG
Well since I really don’t have anything better to bitch about today I’m going to list my recent keyword searches again. In case you’re not sure what keywords do they are basically words that people put into search engines such as Google, Bing or Yahoo when they are looking for something in particular on the internet. What I do is monitor these keywords to see how readers actually find their way to my site. Some of the keywords are really funny, others are kind of disgusting and the rest are just plain old stupid. Let’s take a look here to see what all you nasty fuckers have been doing out there on the internet recently. And no, these are totally not made up!
DG
22.09% boner crucifix – I have no idea why someone would want to see a crucifix boner. This isn’t Poltergeist!
17.11% naked Chinese man – Yeah um that’s what I like to google when I’m bored!
9.65% fuck the ballon – What the fuck?
5.56% fuck with father inlaw stories – Some of you out in internet land are fucking nasty!
5.56% midget penises – I’m assuming this was googled by midget women??
5.56% what is the funniest text message you ever got – Well at least this search is normal.
5.56% fuckin with crucifix dildo – Here we go again with the crucifix. Why are you all so sick?
5.56% confederate flags – We all know this one came from a redneck.
5.56% rebel flag truck – Another redneck, probably a family member of mine.
5.56% peeing in public law – Ahh peeing in public, my second favorite pastime.
5.56% teacher fucks – Someone has a thing for their teacher eh?
5.56% CEO Doug Goff – That’s me bitches!
5.56% huge zit popped – Yeah that happens sometimes.
5.56% fuking dog shot – Pissed at your dog huh?
5.56% dad fuck daughter – Again with the nastiness here. Goddamn some of you people are disgusting!
5.56% how not to get caught with acid – My best guess would be NOT to take any in the first place. Stick with the weed it’s healthy for you.
Come on now people, I got some good responses last week but still it wasn’t enough compared to all the recent traffic I’ve been getting. It’s your job as a reader today to take a look at the photo below, think of what the photo is saying to you and then caption the fucking thing.
DG
So yesterday a friend of mine told me about this new site called www.crabrevenge.com. What is Crab Revenge you say? Well have you ever had someone fuck you over so bad that you really wanted to get back at them? Now all you have to do is go to www.crabrevenge.com, order yourself some crabs and then put them in someone’s underwear leaving them full of crab lice. That’s right, you can go to the Crab Revenge website and purchase a packet of crabs just so you can infect whoever it was that screwed you over. Getting ready to quit your job because of that asshole supervisor you don’t like? Yup you can throw some crabs in their toilet paper and viola, you’ve now gotten your crab revenge. Has your boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you? Oh yea nothing like giving them crabs to totally fuck them for what they just did to you! Yes this is another ingenious website created by someone who obviously was fucked over before. Honestly I think giving some asshole the crabs as a form of revenge is probably one of the most fucked up things you could possibly do to get even with them. Great fuckin idea crab guys!
DG
www.crabrevenge.com “Make That Bitch Itch!”
Happy fuckin Monday bitches! Here’s how we’re supposed to start off the week, by making fun of other people. Last week a Pensacola Florida woman was arrested for selling crack. No big deal normally because it happens everyday, but the offenders are usually not 87 fucking years old. Meet Ola Mae Agee, the 87 year old grandmother who was locked up last week for selling a 20 dollar crack rock to an undercover police officer. Yup old granny here was on her grind out in the streets hustlin. I guess times are really getting tough and social security just isn’t paying the bills anymore. What is the world coming to when we’ve got elderly people out busting guns and selling dope on the street corners? Surprisingly enough she wasn’t the oldest person on record busted for selling crack, nope according to the story the oldest person arrested for selling crack was a woman aged 96 back in 2004. I tell ya we all better watch out for the old folks, they’ll either beat your ass nowadays or get you hooked on fuckin drugs!
DG
Click here for the full story.
So most of you know that I am now all into the Facebook thing. Well the one problem that I have with Facebook is the fact that you fucking people feel the need to post EVERY damn thing you’re doing. Example, “Just woke up” 8:00am, “Getting dressed” 8:10am, “Going to work” 8:25AM, “At work bored” 9:00am, “Boss just yelled at me for being on Facebook” 9:30am, “Still bored” 10:15am, “Going to lunch” 12pm, “Eating a sandwich” 12:20pm, “Back from lunch” 12:45pm, “Still bored” 1:30pm, “Almost time to go home” 3:30pm, “Going home” 5:00pm, “At home” 5:30pm etc. etc.
Seriously people, is posting shit like this on Facebook really fucking necessary?
DG
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