You all know what time it is! That’s right, its Caption My Fuckin Photo day! So what the hell are you doing just sitting there? Think about what this picture is saying to you, click the comment section and caption the fucking thing already!
DG
Monthly Archive for June, 2010
I’m a little bit lazy this week so please bare with me here. I do however have something I’d like to share with you all today though, it’s called the Menstruation Machine. What does it do you ask? Well, men can strap this thing around their waists and “experience the painful bleeding of menstruation.”
“Fitted with a blood dispensing mechanism and lower-abdomen-stimulating electrodes, the Menstruation Machine simulates the pain and bleeding of an average 5 day menstruation process of a human.”
Nice huh? I’m pretty sure I could have gone the rest of my life without knowing about this thing, but unfortunately I like to read about weird shit. Supposedly this thing was created by some dude in Tokyo who wanted to know what it’s like to truly feel like a woman. I’m assuming he got what he wished for. Anyway I guess if you’ve got nothing better to do you could put one of these fucking things on and become a total bitch for 7-10 days, not me! Oh and just in case you were unable to picture this thing in your head I’ve got a nice visual pasted below. You’re welcome!
DG
It’s Friday again bitches! That means paychecks, booze, strippers and of course my Friday question. You ready for this one? Now I’m sure most of us have called customer care or support before right? And we always hear the same thing no matter what type of customer service call it is, “Okay sir/madam, I would be more than happy to help you with that!” Now do you really think that after dealing with assholes yelling at them all day about dumb shit that these customer service people are really “happy to help you”?
DG
Okay so I happen to have my own small business corporation based here in Florida. Well this was the first year I have owned it and I’ll admit that I’m a novice when it comes filing all of my registrations and shit. Every year I’m required to pay my registration fee to the state of Florida, which is about 120 bucks. No big deal right? Yeah well not for me it isn’t. You see our lovely state of Florida does NOT send out yearly reminders to let us small business owners know that it’s time to re-register, so of course I was late. I call up to let them know I never received any type of notification in the mail and the response I got was this, “Oh Mr. Goff we don’t send out yearly reminders. It’s your responsibility to file with us on time! Oh and by the way the late fee for your registration is 400 dollars.”
400 fucking dollars?! You’ve got to be shitting me right? You mean to tell me that the late fee for a 120 dollar bill is 400 Goddamn dollars? I mean charge me double at least, but 400 bucks for being a couple weeks late on the shit is just plain ridiculous! Plus the 120 on top of that, so it’s actually 520 now! I explained to the woman on the phone that this was my first year and I had no idea as to when the cutoff date was. I also asked if there was any way she could wave the fee? “Nope Mr. Goff, you’re basically fucked” was kind of the answer I got from her. I even tried calling back to get someone else on the phone and they told me the same fucking thing.
Well thanks for fucking nothing state of Florida! I’m so happy that you all enjoy sticking it in the asses of us little guys who are just trying to get our businesses going. I constantly see signs and commercials about how Florida supports small business owners and encourages us to keep moving forward. What a total crock of shit that is! Fuck you state of Florida, I’m glad you’re enjoying fucking over all the little people.
DG
Is it Wednesday again already? Well you all know what the fuck that means don’t you? That’s right, it’s Caption My Fuckin photo day! What I’d like you all to do is take a look at the picture below, think about what you see in your mind is going on in that picture and then write a caption to describe your thoughts. It’s not that hard people, so just caption the shit already!
DG
Yesterday as I was driving home from work I was stopped at a red light and happened to look over at the car next to me. In the backseat of said car there were three little kids not wearing their seatbelts and just jumping around all over the fucking place. Now I’m looking at this thinking to myself, “Jesus Christ if that lady gets into an accident, or has to stop really fast, those kids are gonna get seriously hurt!” Well the light changed and somehow the dumb bitch driving the car got in front of me and all I could see was three heads just hoping up and down like they were in a playhouse or some shit. I honestly could not believe what I was seeing.
A few minutes later I made sure that I was on the left side of this car when I got to the next stop light. I stuck my head out of my window and said to the woman driving, “don’t you think your kids should be strapped in just in case something happens and they don’t get hurt?” This woman looked at me, turned her head and drove right the fuck on without even acknowledging what I had just said. She either couldn’t speak any English or she just didn’t give a fuck, I think it was both.
Seriously I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with some people! How you can be that fucking stupid to drive around without strapping you kids in their seatbelts is beyond my comprehension. There’s times like this particular incident when I wished I were a traffic cop so I could’ve pulled that dumb bitch over and written her several tickets for child endangerment. The worst part about it too is that the dumb woman probably has no idea that she is doing anything wrong, or just doesn’t care. It’s a damn shame isn’t it?
DG
Okay so this morning I was reading one of my daily sites and ran across this disgusting video they posted. This is what we call ghetto fucked up mom of the year. What you are watching here is a video of some fat nasty mom performing a stripper dance, in front of her kids, with her kids cheering on and putting dollar bills down their mom’s pants. Not only that but later in the video you can see old mom here having her one kid squirt whipped cream all over her face, then the other kid is trying to stuff a dollar bill into the bitch’s belly button and finally she covers herself with baby oil and then dumps a box of what appears to be cereal all over her. I honestly don’t know what the point of filming this video was, but I’m extremely disturbed by it. Sometimes I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with people like this lady, but parents like this explain the reason why kids are the way they are nowadays. Somebody should find out who this woman is, smack the fucking shit outta her and then force her to take some parenting classes. I’ve seen a lot of weird shit in my day, but this video is probably on the top of the list now for one of the most fucked up parents I think I’ve ever seen. Nice job lady, way to set an example for your children you dumb fucking whore!
DG
[video:youtube:7tGCF106Eeg]
It’s Friday again so you know what that means right? Paychecks, excessive drinking and Doug’s dumbass Friday question! This week I want to ask something that I really would like an honest answer from you all. Do any of you really think that there are any honest politicians in America? If so then who?
DG
So there’s some video footage floating around the internet showing a Seattle police officer punching a 17 year-old girl in the face. Apparently the policeman, Ian Walsh, had stopped two young girls for jaywalking and the two chicks decided they were going to give the cop a hard time. Well when the officer was trying to get them to calm down one of the girls pushed the cop, and he responded with a quick jab to the face. Now when I first read this story I thought I was going to be bitching about a rogue police officer who had taken his authority too far, but then I saw the video and it was clear as day that the young girls were attacking him first. Regardless of what he had stopped them for, jaywalking or not, he’s a fucking cop and you’re required to comply with what he is saying. Everyone is now stating that this cop is an asshole for what he did, but I actually believe otherwise. I think those two punk ass girls should’ve just shut their fucking mouths, listened to what the cop had to say and none of this would have ever happened. I’m no saint, but if a police officer stops me for something I damn sure am not going to be pulling away from him like these two idiots. So yes I think the cop was right in what he did and I don’t think he should be charged with anything at all. What about you guys? Watch the video below and tell me, do you think this cop was wrong or right?
DG
[video:youtube:J0WTcTzN96s]
That’s right bitches, it’s Wednesday! Which means the week is halfway over and also that its caption my fuckin photo day. Your job as a reader is? To look at the photo below, think about what it’s saying to you and caption the damn thing. Pretty simple huh? Well what are you waiting for?
DG
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