Monthly Archive for July, 2011

Stating The Obvious

Published on July 29, 2011 in Daily Bitching. 1 Comment

Happy Friday people! Today I’d like to discuss the idiots who like to state the obvious. You know the ones who come over to your house that you’ve just painted and ask the question, “Painted it a new color eh?” Or the same douches who ask if your car is new when they’ve known you 20 years and clearly you’re not driving the same car that you had when you saw them a week ago. I could go on and on with examples here, but the fact of the matter here is that people who state the obvious just to hear themselves speak irritate the shit outta me. Are you really that fucking stupid, or do you just simply like to act like you are? Stop asking questions about shit that you already know the answer to and stop pointing things out that the rest of us already know about. That shit is annoying!

DG

Caption My Fuckin Photo!

Published on July 27, 2011 in Caption My Fuckin Photo. 2 Comments

Have you ever gone to sleep and everything was fine just to wakeup to a fucking disaster? Yeah, that just happened to me. Anyway take a look at the photo below, think about what it’s saying to you and caption the damn thing. I hope your Wednesday goes better than mine has started out.

DG

Tell me again how much you paid?

Published on July 26, 2011 in Daily Bitching. 1 Comment

I’m sure we all know one of these people. The ones who feel the need to tell you how much they paid for every fucking thing they own. They buy something new, the first thing they do is tell you how much it cost them. For some reason these people must feel superior to the rest of us by bragging about how much money they spent. It must give them a sense of accomplishment or something when they rub what they paid for shit in your face. It’s annoying and totally uncalled for. I don’t care how much you paid for your new car or your new phone, honestly I really could give two shits. Stick your new items up your ass and stop bragging about it. We all know you’re broke!

DG

By the way this website costs me $4.99 a month.

A Friday Planking Question

Published on July 22, 2011 in Daily Bitching and Doug's Friday Question. 3 Comments

Happy Friday my fellow people of the internets! Today I’d like to ask a few questions about the new phenominon that you people call planking. What the fuck is the point of it and why in the hell would anyone want to lay down on random shit? Are we that fucking bored that there’s nothing else to do other than this? All the electronics and awesome new gadgets of the 21st century and you tards are going around laying down on stuff for fun. I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m getting old, or maybe I just don’t give a shit, but planking really has got to be the dumbest activity I have ever seen. Can’t we come up with something better than this crap?

DG

Someone found Jesus, at Walmart!

Published on July 20, 2011 in Daily Bitching and Things That Make You Go Hmmmm. 4 Comments

So I wakeup this morning to a truly amazing story. Some dipshit redneck couple in South Carolina claim to have found Jesus on their sales receipt from, of all places, the Walmart. How ironic is that? I mean some people find faces of Jesus on bread, potato chips, wood floors etc., but on a Walmart receipt? The good lord must be really trying to tell us all something here. He’s probably telling us that if we shop at the oh so holy Walmart we will be rewarded, or something to that effect. Seriously though this all sounds kinda bogus to me. If you look at the picture it looks nothing like Jesus, I know because JC and I are personal friends and he’s appeared in my Lucky Charms before. This receipt looks like a total fake and honestly resembles Osama Bin Laden as opposed to Jesus. Take a look for yourself and make your own decision, but I smell bullshit here.

DG

Click here for the full story.

So you wear Crocks eh?

Published on July 17, 2011 in Daily Bitching. 4 Comments

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I hate Crocks! You know, those stupid fucking shoes that all the dumb ass nerdy white people wear? Oh my God are those things not the ugliest fucking shoes ever?!?! Seriously if you own a pair of these you have totally gone past the level of dickheadedness to the point where you will never come back. Crocks are the ultimate level of dorkiness and anyone who owns them should lose their man or woman card for life. Crocks are not cool and are the worst pair of shoes anyone could own. If you have some in your closet and are questioning your decision to buy them after reading this, please throw them away. You look like a total tourist asshole when you wear them!

DG

Caption My Fuckin Photo

Published on July 14, 2011 in Caption My Fuckin Photo. 3 Comments

Let’s all make believe that it’s Wednesday today, take a look at the picture below, think about what it’s saying to you and caption the fuckin thing.

DG

Elevator Courtesy

Published on July 13, 2011 in Daily Bitching. 3 Comments

Ahhh so I’m back! Today I’d like to complain about the assholes out there who do not have proper elevator courtesy. Seeing that I was staying with my wife at the hospital for four days I happened to have taken the elevator up and down about 100 times. Each time it was the same bullshit. The elevator comes down and people are trying to get out, what happens? All of the idiots trying to get on bombard the fucking doors basically not letting anyone get out. Then you’ve got a bunch of people standing there looking stupid as to why no one will move. It’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen, but it happened every fucking time. I don’t understand why you tards don’t get the fact that before you can get in, others must first exit. It’s not that complicated! Then you’ve got these men who were never taught that you’re supposed to let the women get in and out first. Again, it’s common fucking courtesy. If you idiots cannot figure out how to properly get on and off an elevator, I’d hate to see how you handle the rest of your affairs. Fucking dummies!

DG

The Best Feeling In The World

Published on July 11, 2011 in Cool Shit. 7 Comments

Last Friday was the coolest and most wonderful day of my entire life. That was the day we welcomed our beautiful little girl, Hailey, into this world. It was so powerful in fact that I’m crying as I’m writing this right now. Everyone kept telling me that the feeling you get when you see your child for the first time is insane and totally unexplainable, they were all right. It was the best moment I’ve ever had. I could probably sit here and go on and on about how fucking awesome the whole thing was, but there’s not enough room on this page and I don’t think I can keep producing anymore tears. So meet my beautiful daughter Hailey. I’m totally about to break her out of this hospital in a few hours and take her to her new home. I feel like a super hero right now.

DG

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Tomorrow is the BIG day!

Published on July 7, 2011 in Cool Shit. 3 Comments

In less than 24 hours yours truly is going to be a daddy! Yup, tomorrow morning at this time our daughter will be here and we’re super fuckin excited. It’s been a hell of a time the last nine months getting ready, and soon it will all be worth it. I really have nothing to bitch about right now and I’m totally on my high horse. It’s still kind of surreal and I can’t believe we made it this far. I know some of you probably don’t give a shit, however this is the most exciting moment of my life. Pictures coming soon!

DG