It’s Wednesday and you know what that means right? It’s time for another photo that none of you will caption. Take a look at the picture below, think about what it’s saying to you and caption the damn thing.
DG
Monthly Archive for August, 2011
So Saturday my wife, the baby and I went out to do a little shopping at the Super Target. Yes, we’ve moved up from the Walmart. Anyway we shopped around for a while and were able to get the regular household items we needed along with groceries as well. We finished up our shopping and like everyone else does proceeded to the checkout counter to pay. After the cashier rung everything up we went to pay with our Wells Fargo bank card and it was declined. What the fuck there’s plenty of money in there?! Okay no big deal there must be a problem I’ll just use my company card that’s also held with Wells Fargo, that gets declined also. Now I’m fucking pissed. I’ve got multiple accounts with you people, all with plenty of money in them, so why in the hell are my cards getting declined? Thank goodness I had a backup credit card and I was forced to pay with that. We leave, embarrassed as all hell, and I then make a call to the Wells Fargo assholes.
After waiting 20 minutes to get someone on the phone would you believe that Wells Fargo, who by the way used to be Wachovia that I NEVER had a problem with, told me that they put both my personal and business accounts on a fraud hold because the $260 bucks we were trying to spend at the Target was out of our “spending realm”. I about lost it with these fucking people on the phone. What the hell do you mean out of my spending realm? Their exact words were, “Well, Mr. Goff we see you haven’t used your cards all week and now all of a sudden you’re using them so that sparked a red flag.” Um, you do realize that I didn’t use them throughout the week because maybe I was you know, um WORKING? Now it’s the weekend so I just got paid and I’m spending money on my day off like the rest of America. I can understand if I was trying to withdraw 5 thousand dollars in Vegas, but I was at the store right around the block from my house buying groceries for Christ’s sake!
That was it for me, I’m getting rid of Wells Fargo and switching to another bank. This is the second time this happened since they switched from Wachovia, the last time they did this I was trying to buy breakfast at McDonalds when we were in the hospital after having the baby, and I’ve had it with them. Do you know how fucking embarrassing it is to have your card declined while everyone is standing watching and waiting for you to pay?
DG
Yes, you read that correctly. That’s the exact headline from WKRN-TV news in Nashville Tennessee on their report of a Greyhound Bus that accidentally dropped a bunch of barrels full of bull semen it was transporting and I just couldn’t resist sharing this with you all. Here’s a quote from that story.
“Canisters of bull semen caused quite a scare on the on-ramp to Interstate 65 South Tuesday morning. Officials traced the containers to Greyhound after finding bus tickets on the ground. The bus did not know it lost its load and had continued on.”
Notice the reporter intentionally put that the bus, “Lost it’s load”? I don’t know why but that is hilariously amusing to me. My first question here is why in the hell is a Greyhound bus carrying canisters of bull semen in the first place? My second question is who were they bringing those canisters to? Or even better yet, who is responsible for getting all the bull jizz into those canisters? I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who works in the bull semen industry before, but with the way the economy is I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. This story is so full of WTF that I could probably sit here and squirt out a bunch of questions, but I’ll just leave it be. The good thing I guess is that no one was hurt and that the bull spunk made it back to it’s rightful owners.
DG
Click here for the full story.
I know, I haven’t done one of these in a few weeks so I’m hoping you all know what to do. Take a look at the picture below, think about what it’s saying to you and caption the damn thing. Happy hump day by the way.
DG
I’m a litte late today, but I wanted to take a few minutes to bitch about alarm clocks. Fuck I hate alarm clocks! It’s the most annoying way to wakeup every morning and no matter what kind of alarm clock you have they’re still a pain in the ass. I dread waking up every morning to that damn thing, but there’s just no other way to do it. Screw alarm clocks!
DG
As most of you know my wife and I just had a baby girl six weeks ago. One of the things that she does really amuses the shit outta me. It’s when she makes the oh so funny poopy face when she is about to take a dump. I think it’s totally hilarious! But me being me I got to thinking about it and wondered if I made such a face while I was taking a number 2, and to my surprise I do. What I did was put my camera in front of my face while I was pooping and tried my hardest to make believe that it wasn’t there. Low and behold after I was done and checked the footage I sure as hell DO make the poopy face as well. So I decided to do a little more research and started asking others if they too make the poopy face while taking a shit. Quite a few people looked at me like I was nuts and didn’t respond, while a few others humored me, tried it and agreed that they also make the poopy face when taking a poo. If you don’t believe me try it, but I know it’s a fact now that no matter how old you are you still make a really funny ‘poopy’ face when going doo doo. Go ahead and try to prove me wrong!
DG
Here’s my baby Hailey making her poopy face. 
What exactly does that statement above mean? People always bring me their broken shit, computers, iPhones, AR Drone helicopters, iPads and pretty much any small electronic device you could possibly think of for me to fix. Sometimes I get the easy ones and I repair them in a matter of minutes. 90% of the time though I get the most fucked up devices you’d ever see. Things that are so messed up that the manufacturer probably would’t even fix them, and everyone brings them to me. Why? I have no freaking idea! I also have no clue as to why I always say yes when asked if I can fix something, and then end up regretting it later. I must have some type of magnet that attracts people and their broken shit to me because it happens all the damn time. Why can’t you people bring me the easy stuff to repair? Why do I always get the phones that have fallen out of an airplane and require the hardest replacement part in the world to find? I don’t know but it’s getting old. I just want to go back to being dumb so that way you people won’t ask me for a damn thing anymore. From now on I’m going to try my damndest to just say NO to fixing your broken, fucked up piece of shit electronics.
DG
Sure, I can fix that!
Here’s one that makes you wonder who the hell thought of this. Why when I go out and purchase a new electronic device do you manufacturers feel the need to put your stickers all over the damn things? Not only are you putting these dumb stickers on my new shit, but there almost impossible to remove. I don’t want to go out and purchase a new TV, bring it home and have to spend 35 minutes trying to peel off some dumb ass energy efficient sticker or some label about the resolution and features. It has all that on the fucking box so why do you have to put it on the device as well? And what the hell kind of stickers are you guys using anyway? I’ve never bought a decal or sticker for something else that was so hard to remove I needed a damn blow torch to get it off. Who wants to spend their hard earned money on a shiny new piece of electronics only to have it ruined by a sticker that only comes half way off? You manufacturers need to get with the program and stop messing up people’s new shit before they even buy it!
DG
Not that I would ever buy an Acer, or any PC for that matter, but this ^right here^ is exactly the type of shit I’m talking about.
I may or may not have talked about this before, but if I did I really don’t remember. Anyway what I’d like to bitch about today is when people ask a question, you give them an answer and then they don’t fucking believe you. Why in the hell did you even ask me in the first place if you’re not going to like what I say? Why ask me a question to something you already know the answer to then if you’re so damn smart? I don’t get this shit at all. I would never ask someone about a particular subject and when you tell me your answer all of a sudden question the validity of what you just told me, so why do some of you idiots do that? Honestly from now on the next time someone asks me a question I’m going to pull out my phone or my computer and Google the shit for you so that way maybe, just maybe, you might believe me. I’m sick of waisting my breath speaking to uptight assholes who think they know everything yet they’re the ones asking questions in the first place.
DG
So yesterday as I was browsing through the internets I happened to stumble upon a story from a new TV show on TLC entitled, My Strange Addiction. Obviously it’s a show about people with weird addictions, but the lady in the story I read about is a total fucking lunatic. Meet Casey, a 26 year old widow from Fayetteville Tennessee, who is addicted to eating her dead husband’s ashes. No I didn’t stutter, this crazy bitch is eating her dead husband’s creamated remains!
26-year old Casie’s husband Shawn, died from a severe asthma attack just a couple of months before the episode was taped. The addiction initially started with Casie literally carrying her husband’s ashes everywhere she went. That soon escalated into her actually eating his ashes.
“Some of it spilled out on my hands. I didn’t want to just wipe him away, so I just licked it off my fingers,” she said “And here I am today, almost two months later and I can’t stop.”
With no cure in sight Casie’s devotion to her husband, which includes cooking him meals and sleeping with his urn, doesn’t appear to be stopping anytime soon.
“Some people laugh, they think I’m playing. But I’m serious – I mean that’s my husband.”
So, um yeah that about sums it up. I mean I understand that we all have an addiction to something, but for Christ’s sake this is just un fucking believable. I can’t understand why someone hasn’t seen what’s going on here and referred this woman to have some type of psychiatric evaluation or some shit. Some people are weird, but others like this lady are bat shit fucking crazy. Instead of airing her on TV they should get her some freaking help!
DG
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