Monthly Archive for November, 2011

Say my goatee is grey one more time, go ahead!

Published on November 29, 2011 in Daily Bitching. 0 Comments

I’m definitely not getting any younger, that’s for sure. I’m 31 now and with all the crazy shit that’s been going on lately my facial hair has been becoming more and more grey each day. I used to die my goatee, but recently I haven’t really put much thought into it. After all I’m a dad now and isn’t that what dads are supposed to have, a little bit of grey? But in the past few weeks it seems that just about everyone I come in contact with has to bring up the subject of my grey haired goatee. “Hey Doug, haven’t seen you in a while, wow your beard is grey as shit man.” or “Hey old man, that grey haired bandit has been visiting you at night time hasn’t he?” It’s one thing to notice the flaws on someone, but it’s a completely scenario when you call a person out on them. I don’t tell some of you that your asses are getting huge or your tits are sagging do I? No, I’m not that big of an asshole. Yes, I own several mirrors and yes I can see that the only little patch of hair I have left is indeed getting grayer by the minute. But that doesn’t give you the right to actually point it out to me. So for real, the next person that says something about my grey facial hair is going to get a big fuck you from me.

DG

Control your freakin kids!

Published on November 28, 2011 in Daily Bitching. 0 Comments

So yesterday my wife and I took our little one to the fair for her first time. It was pretty entertaining to watch her looking around at all the things and lights in such amazement. For the most part we had a really good time, until we came across a little fucker kid and his inflatable sword. This child had to be maybe 3 or 4 and was running around erratically with his sword swinging it and hitting people, all while his stupid mom sat there and watched doing nothing to stop him. We saw the kid coming so we purposely moved out of his path, he moved also. We moved again, and so did he. It was like we were trying to get away from him and he just kept coming towards us with his damn sword. Then the inevitable happened, he smacked our baby with his inflatable bastard sword. It wasn’t a hard smack, and the baby didn’t even notice, but still the point of the matter is that the kids mom should have kept her little ‘angel’ in check and prevented any of that from happening. Nope, the mom just sat there and let this little bundle of joy run all over the fucking place all while she was stuffing her fat face with funnel cake not giving two shits about the terror her son was causing. It’s people like that who just make me want to punch them in their stupid faces for not stepping up and being a real parent to their children. That lady’s kid is going to grow up to be an even bigger asshole throughout the rest of his life, and it’s the parent’s fault for not putting him in check while he’s young. Control your damn kids people and stop letting them run amuck doing whatever they want.

DG

Pizza is now a vegetable eh?

Published on November 23, 2011 in Daily Bitching. 0 Comments

So I’m on the internets the other day and I came across a story stating that Congress has made a decision that pizza is now a vegetable. Their reasoning behind this? Well, because pizza has a great deal of tomato paste in it US lawmakers have decided that it now constitutes as enough to be classified as a vegetable. Now one thing that kind of bothers me about this is that why in the hell are the people in the US Congress even discussing this issue in the first place? Don’t we have enough other bullshit going on in this country that’s a little more important than pizza? Secondly, if I remember correctly, when I was in school I was always taught that tomatoes are actually classified as a fruit. So does that make pizza a fruit now? I’m so confused. I’m also irritated that this is even a topic of discussion in our country and I’m kind of embarrassed to be an American right now. These are the people who run our country, the ones who by unanimous decision have classified greasy, cheesy pizza as a fucking vegetable. Thank you idiots for coming up with one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard of in my entire life. It’s no wonder the rest of the world despises us.

DG


Don’t touch shit that doesn’t belong to you!

Published on November 21, 2011 in Daily Bitching. 1 Comment

If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s when people touch things that either do not belong to them, or they have no business touching. It bothers me even more when we’re talking about grown ass people doing this when they should know better. It’s like you’ve been taught all your life NOT to touch shit that isn’t yours, yet some idiots just cannot grasp that concept. It’s one thing if a young child does it but adults that do this are just plain old dumb. If it’s not yours please leave it the hell alone! It’s pretty simple.

DG

I Love Millionaire Matchmaker!

Published on November 17, 2011 in Cool Shit and Daily Bitching. 1 Comment

So as everyone knows I’m a married man. With marriage comes the issue of having to watch shows that your significant other likes and you don’t. My wife likes all the girly shows, and I like the funny stupid shows or the cop shows. This usually leads to us arguing over what we’re going to watch together or watching TV in separate rooms. Normally I hate everything my wife likes on TV and vice-versa, except for one day when I actually sat down with her and watched Millionaire Matchmaker together. I have to honestly say I am hooked on this friggin show and I love it. Why you say? Well, it’s interesting to see all the gold diggers going after the rich guys who have all the money in the world and no personality. I enjoy watching them pick the wrong person for their dates and then screwing up the whole thing. I also like when the hostess, Patty, rips some of the women they interview for the dates because of their weight or appearance. I just get a kick out of the whole thing. I’ve since watched every damn episode and I intend to continue watching this show for as long as it’s aired. So there you have it, I like Millionaire Matchmaker and I’m not afraid to tell anyone. If you get a chance watch this show and see for yourself, it’s fuckin funny!

DG

I hate customer surveys!

Published on November 14, 2011 in Daily Bitching. 0 Comments

I’ve probably covered this before, but it’s making me mad still so I’ll say it again. I absolutely fucking hate customer surveys! I get them at work, I get them at home and I get them after placing a call to a company’s customer service center. Every time I turn around there’s another dumb ass survey in my face and I’m getting kind of tired of it. Most of them are companies asking if I was satisfied after them helping me for whatever reason. Well, if I wasn’t satisfied, or something else was broken or wrong, I’d call you back and complain. If I don’t call you then everything is A ok. Why can’t these big corporations grasp that? I mean seriously all you’re doing is hassling your customers who otherwise do not want to be bothered. Again I reiterate this, if we had a problem we will call you and tell you. Maybe if you didn’t spend so much money on this shit you’d be able to bring some of my bills down instead of up. Stop pushing these crap surveys on us and leave your customers alone!

DG

Whatever happened to the ‘husky’ section?

Published on November 11, 2011 in Daily Bitching and Doug's Friday Question. 1 Comment

Believe this or not, I used to be the fat kid when I was younger. I was a little pudgy and was constantly picked on for being overweight in grade school. This was one of the reasons why I had to try and be the funny kid so that way I’d at least fit in by making the other kids laugh. Being the chubby kid never really bothered me too much except for when my mom used to take me clothes shopping, that was the worst. Why? Because I used to have to shop in the ‘husky’ section of all the stores. Remember that? Yeah, that shit was embarrassing. It was like, “Hey, let’s make a section just for the fat kids and, I know, we’ll name it husky.” That was probably the worst part about growing up. Having my mom take me to the store and yell out, “Doug, meet me in the husky section so we can try on some pants that fit your waist but are eight inches too fucking long for ya.” Yup, that was my childhood shopping experience. But I guess the stores have gotten a little more politically correct, or they don’t make clothes for fat kids anymore, because I haven’t seen a husky section in forever. Which is leaving me with my question for today, what the hell ever happened to the husky section for fat kids? Does anyone out there in retail have an answer for me?

DG

Caption My Fuckin Photo

Published on November 9, 2011 in Caption My Fuckin Photo. 3 Comments

I haven’t done one of these in a while so here you go, caption my fuckin photo day is back. What’s your job as a reader? Take a look at the picture below, think about what it’s saying to you and caption the damn thing. It’s actually quite simple!

DG

Soft spoken people freak me out!

Published on November 8, 2011 in Daily Bitching. 0 Comments

I don’t know what it is about people with those monotone soft spoken voices, but they freak me the fuck out. It’s like they have absolutely zero emotion when they speak and for whatever reason that is really creepy to me. If you’ve never heard one of these people talk then it’s really hard to explain the weirdness to all this. But if you have, or know someone with a voice like that, then you know exactly what I’m talking about here. I look at these people like, “Where’s the damn expression in your voice and why are you talking to me like that?” Can’t you sound the least bit excited or show a little bit of emotion when you speak? It’s like I hear them talk and I immediately think this person is a child molester or they have people trapped in their basement. I don’t know why they talk like that, but damn does it scare the shit outta me. I’ve met several soft spoken people in my lifetime, and all of them have been weirdos. It may sound like I’m over exaggerating here, but try working with one of these tools for a few years and having to speak to them on a daily basis and you’ll see where I’m coming from here.

DG

(Picture Unrelated)

I only like Mommy and Daddy

Published on November 4, 2011 in Cool Shit and Daily Bitching. 2 Comments

As most of you know, I became a new dad four months ago. This has changed a lot of things in my life and has been quite rewarding. Everything is new and while at times things get a little hectic, for the most part it’s been very enjoyable to watch my little girl grow. One of the most recent things she has started to do is that she doesn’t seem to like anyone but my wife or myself. Someone will come over, try to hold her or entertain her and she’s just not having it. She cops a little attitude like, “You’re not my mommy or my daddy, so get the hell away from me.” It’s kind of a confidence booster for me because I feel like I’m actually influencing her and she seems to have a great sense of security with mommy or daddy. But on the other hand it’s also quite tough to have to tell other people, “Hey, my kid doesn’t like you so please leave her alone or she’ll cry.” People look at me like I’m being overprotective, try to hold her or touch her anyway and then they feel the wrath of little miss Hailey. Yup, for whatever reason she just doesn’t seem to like other people. I guess she’s becoming more like daddy than I ever would have thought.

DG