09 March 2010
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on March 9th, 2010 @ 07:54:33 am, using 238 words, 21 views
On a normal day at work I answer somewhere around twenty to thirty emails to different people. This is no big deal to me and is just part of my daily work routine. The problem that I have is with the fucking people on the other end. I’ll answer all these folk’s emails and the next thing you know I’ve got thirty responses in my inbox that all read the same damn thing, “Thanks!” Now the “thanks” responses tend to get quite annoying because there’s no fucking need for that shit. You obviously got my email, and you obviously understand what I just said, so why even bother with the unneeded “thanks” response? Sure you’re probably trying to be polite, but when thirty people all respond with “thanks” I then have to go back through all of those Goddamn emails yet again just to be sure none of you bastards need anything else. It’s annoying as all fucking hell and it really pisses me off when I get these responses. Please do us all a favor and unless you have something relevant to say DO NOT come back with a “thanks” email response. The people on the other end of your “thanks” do not give two shits about your “thanks”, and all you’re doing is clogging up our fucking inboxes with useless shit. Stop with the damn “thanks” you idiots!
DG
08 March 2010
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on March 8th, 2010 @ 07:54:05 am, using 280 words, 20 views
Today I would like to discuss one of the worst feelings a man could ever experience, getting hit in the balls. Oh yes it happened to me yesterday and the pain is almost un fucking describable. You see when you get hit in the nuts it doesn’t hurt right away. No it takes about ten to fifteen seconds for one to actually realize you’ve been smacked in the cajones and then the pain comes along. It’s one of those pains that goes from your balls all the way up to your throat, and believe me it hurts like all hell when it happens. And you don’t even have to hit the nuts hard for them to hurt either, nope one little graze and you’ll be keeled over like you’ve been paralyzed or some shit. Honestly I’d rather get punched in the face than kicked in the balls any day.
Oh and you women will never understand this feeling no matter how hard you try. You all like to joke with your men too like, “Oh if you do that well I’ll just kick you in the nuts!” Well that shit isn’t funny ladies! Don’t fucking joke about nut shots because we men do not take that shit lightly. Our balls are the most sensitive spot on our bodies and we would appreciate if you women would treat them as if they were the most fragile things in the world. Please for the love of God DO NOT mess with a man’s ball sack! We cherish our nuts and would greatly appreciate it if you all did the same.
DG
05 March 2010
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on March 5th, 2010 @ 07:38:46 am, using 49 words, 29 views
I’ve got an interesting question for you all this week about what your ideal dream job would be. If I had a choice right now my dream job is to be the in house gynecologist for Playboy Magazine. What about you? What would your ideal dream job be?
DG
04 March 2010
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on March 4th, 2010 @ 08:09:20 am, using 233 words, 39 views
Today I’d like to talk about one of my biggest pet peeves, captcha images. For those who don’t know what captcha images are let me explain. Captcha is used to identify you as a human and not a computer when submitting forms and shit on the internet. An easier way of describing them would be to call captcha images those pain in the ass words required that no one can read when you’re trying to hit send on a web page. Yes they are an utter pain in the ass sometimes. Even though captcha was designed to cut down spammers and bullshit advertisements I think that 90% of the damn things are unreadable. How many times have you gone to hit the submit button on a website and found yourself saying, “is that a fuckin T or an F?” You then just pick whatever letter you think you’re seeing, it’s of course wrong, and the next thing you know you have to fill out whatever the fuck you just typed all over again. I hate you captcha images, I really fucking do. Thanks a lot for fucking with me every time I go to login somewhere or look at a little bit of porn. I really wish someone would make these damn things a little bit more readable and a lot less of a pain in the ass.
DG
02 March 2010
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on March 2nd, 2010 @ 07:37:19 am, using 39 words, 46 views
Okay so today I don’t have a fucking thing to say other than that I think this picture is funny as all hell. Yup that’s it funny picture and nothing else. Fuck off and have a great day!
DG
01 March 2010
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on March 1st, 2010 @ 07:57:34 am, using 241 words, 39 views
So Friday night I had the liberty of going to my local Hustler store here in Ft. Lauderdale. Let me tell you that it’s not very often I go to places like the Hustler store so to me it was quite amusing. Out of all the kinky shit they had in there the one thing I noticed was this nice chinstrap dildo. What is it you say? Well it’s a rubber penis that you strap to your chin so that while you’re going down on someone you can fuck them at the same time. Pretty cool huh? Well I couldn’t help but ask the lady behind the counter if she’s ever sold one of these. She replied with a normal look on her face, “all the time!” Anyway so I sat there and contemplated buying this neat chinstrap contraption for a few minutes until I finally realized that I would look fucking ridiculous wearing that thing and my wife would probably laugh me out of the bedroom if I did buy it. That plus the fact what I heard behind the counter as someone else was checking out with their new dildos made me change my mind about buying the thing. You know what they tell people who buy rubber dicks at the Hustler store? “No returns on dildos!” Honestly once I heard the woman say that I had to leave the store because I was laughing so fucking hard.
DG
26 February 2010
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on February 26th, 2010 @ 08:03:42 am, using 235 words, 46 views
Okay so this is the first I’ve heard of the new found phenomenon called Vajazzling. What is Vajazzling you say? Well it’s a new trend where women go to get their vaginas waxed and then covered in Swarovski crystals. Sounds cool huh? Well another blogger, Bryce Gruber, over at TheLuxurySpot.com just got her cooter Vajazzled the other day and documented the whole thing, click here for that story. Yes this is for real people and I’m kind of intrigued by the fact that women are now treating their pussies like a fuckin Christmas tree. I am however worried that the Swarovski crystals might cause an injury though. Like what happens if you’re down there and one of those things gets caught in your throat and you choke and die from eating pussy? Man that would totally suck! Oh and what happens if they come off during the day and somehow manage to get stuck up in there? That would be an embarrassing trip to the emergency room now wouldn’t it? Either way I still think Vajazzling is a very innovative idea. Honestly I never would’ve thought you could take something so perfect as a vagina and make it look any prettier but it’s now been done. Supposedly Jennifer Love Hewitt was the one who created Vajazzling so you can all thank her for making this fine improvement to the vagina. Thanks Jennifer!!
DG
Source
25 February 2010
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on February 25th, 2010 @ 07:45:18 am, using 288 words, 42 views
So here’s a funny but not so funny story about a man who was arrested the other day in Philadelphia. Siri Pinnya, a 36 year-old man labeled as a “jerkoff” by Philly police, is being charged with harassment, disorderly conduct and assault after he allegedly attacked a 17 year-old girl when she refused to let him pay her for sex. Once he was in custody old Siri here must have been one horny motherfucker because according to police he wouldn’t stop whacking off inside the holding cell long enough for them to fingerprint him.
“We couldn’t process him because he’s sitting in the cell masturbating,” Chitwood said. “He wouldn’t stop so we had to wait till later to clean him up.”
Chitwood said that when officers finally photographed and fingerprinted Pinnya, they took extra precautions. “We only fingerprinted his left hand.”
Chitwood suggested that if convicted, Pinnya should have to come back to clean out the cell as part of his sentence.
Now the part about the guy trying to pay a young girl for sex is totally not funny. BUT, the part about him yanking his crank in the jail cell to the point where the cops would only fingerprint his left hand is fucking hilarious to me. Can you imagine if you were the police officer on duty who was responsible for taking the fingerprints that day? I honestly think that if it were me I probably would have quit right then and there. Just when you think you’ve heard it all some jackoff comes along and reminds us all that you just never know what you might wakeup in the morning and read about on the internet.
DG
Click here for the full story.
24 February 2010
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on February 24th, 2010 @ 08:21:00 am, using 210 words, 56 views
In case most of you didn’t notice, or just don’t care, the Winter Olympics has been on lately fucking up all of our regular TV programs. Now that’s all fine and dandy but I have one issue with regards to a particular Olympic sport called curling. This is the dumbest fucking sport I have ever seen in my life. Who in the hell created this shit and why is it even considered a sport? It’s like someone wanted to bowl without pins and mop the floor at the same time so they decided to make up this ridiculous fucking game that is considered skillful. Well news flash it’s fucking dumb! You mean to tell me that all of my regularly scheduled programs have been cancelled so we can watch a bunch of idiots with sticks clean some ice for a rock to slide down it? Fuck at least put something good on like bobsledding or something. If I wanted to watch someone sweep the floor I would go down to the Walmart late at night when they were about to close. Curling should be banned from being broadcasted on any TV network and never watched again. What the hell happened to the real Olympics?
DG
23 February 2010
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on February 23rd, 2010 @ 07:53:15 am, using 305 words, 44 views
So the other day I was at the bank waiting in line to make a deposit. As I was standing patiently I noticed that there was one teller who was not helping anyone and she seemed to be a little pissed off. After about ten minutes of watching this bitch pace back and fourth she finally decided she was going to help me. When I got up to the counter all she kept doing was bitching to one of her coworkers about how she was mad about what someone else did, all while I was standing right in front of her. Now because she couldn’t stop complaining about whatever her fucking problem was it took her an extra long time to help me and I was kind of pissed about all that.
First off I’m a customer and whether or not you’re having a bad day should be none of my fucking concern. Just because someone you work with ticked you off doesn’t give you the right to take it out on the customers. There are plenty of people out there without jobs who would be more than happy to take your place, and probably do a better job at it. I’m so sick of these customer service people who cannot seem to do their jobs properly no matter where I go. You people aught to be kissing us customer’s asses all the time because WE are the ones who keep you employed. Stop being such fucking douche bags all the time and if you’re having a bad day save the damn complaints for after work or when customers are not around. Nobody gives a shit that you’re mad, just put a fucking smile on your face and treat us with a little bit of respect!
DG
22 February 2010
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on February 22nd, 2010 @ 09:23:37 am, using 147 words, 38 views
So if you’re like me and you grew up in the 80’s then you so know who I am talking about here. Andrew Koenig, better known as Mike Seaver’s friend Boner from Growing Pains, has gone missing from his Vancouver home. Please if any of you have seen him it would be best if you called the Vancouver authorities to file a report. We all owe it to Boner to try and help find him. Why? Because I know you all loved Growing Pains back in the day and because think about it, when will the FCC ever allow a TV show to have a character named Boner on it again? Boner was a part of our 80’s history and needs to be found. Do your part here people and help us find old Boner Stabone before it’s too late.
DG
Click here for the full story.
18 February 2010
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on February 18th, 2010 @ 07:59:20 pm, using 181 words, 49 views
So I’m posting my morning blog a little early because some people like to steal my fuckin pictures. Anyway so I was out at dinner tonight and it was a good thing I happened to look over at this woman AFTER I was done eating. Yes take a look at the picture below and tell me what in the hell is wrong with this lady? Jesus Christ I can’t believe she was out at a public restaurant looking like this. It’s like didn’t anyone tell you not to wear that before you left your house? And even if no one had the heart to tell you not to wear that didn’t you at least feel the cold air up against your half naked exposed fat ass? I mean come on what the fuck were you thinking and why did you have to ruin everyone’s dinner? Please for the love of God if you’re reading this right now and you feel the need to go out like this woman, DON’T! Nobody wants to see your gross ass, especially while we’re eating.
DG
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