21 August 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on August 21st, 2008 @ 07:03:54 am, using 291 words, 16 views
Over the past couple of weeks I have been selling quite a few things on ebay. Most of it is for a friend of mine and the rest is just shit that I had lying around collecting dust. Now when I list the stuff on ebay I always put specifics in the description section stating what the item is, the warranty, the specifications, that I will only ship to the continental US etc. etc. But everyday since I started to list this stuff I have been getting these fucking assholes asking stupid questions like “How much to ship to the UK?” and “Are you sure the item is working?” Or for instance lets say I have an item with a starting bid at four hundred dollars I get some fucking idiot asking me “will you take three hundred for it?” No you Goddamn retard, are you out of your fucking mind?
I have been buying and selling stuff on ebay for over five years now and my feedback rating is at 100% with a little over 200 positive feedbacks. But it’s getting to the point where I just want to get rid of the shit I have listed there and NEVER sell anything on ebay again. These fucking people are so annoying with their dumb questions that have already been answered if they would just read the damn description on the item. I’m sick of you whiney ignorant fucking people and your stupid questions. Learn how to fucking read or don’t ask me anything at all because you dicks are not going to get a nice answer from now on. Don’t get offended if you ask me an idiotic question and I tell you to go fuck yourself!
DG
20 August 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on August 20th, 2008 @ 07:12:27 am, using 499 words, 29 views
So I get a call at work yesterday, I pick up the phone and it’s my wife, and I can tell by the sound of her voice that she’s pissed. My first response was “Oh shit, what did I do?” but the good thing is that it wasn’t me she was mad at. She proceeds to tell me that our entire yard is covered with trash that the garbage men spilled out of their truck. So I instructed her to calm down and call the city to let them know what these assholes did. Well she calls at about 12:20 in the afternoon and the lady told her she was going to “call it in” and let the garbage men know what happened. Three hours go by and no one shows up to clean the shit up so I decided to call myself. Well I get this non-English speaking bitch on the phone who proceeds to tell me that all she can do is call in a complaint and nothing else, big help you fucking ass wipe!
So when I got home at around 5:00 I had to put on some rubber gloves and pickup an entire fucking trash heap out of my yard. There was all kinds of nasty shit lying around too like dirty diapers, rotten maggot infested chicken and I even think I saw an old weave somewhere as well. Lets just say that it wasn’t a pretty site. Now the kicker here is that after I cleaned everything up I checked my surveillance cameras and watched this fucktard garbage man spill my can all over the place. He then got out of the truck, tried to pickup what he could and ended up spilling the shit all over a second time. He also did the same exact thing at my neighbor’s house and it was as if he didn’t know what the hell he was doing! What a fucking asshole right?
Now I pay a monthly fee to the city of Hollywood to “remove” my old trash not to “deliver” new shit. And if I would not have picked up all the garbage you know what would have happened? These fuckers at code enforcement would give me a fine for the shit their coworkers spilled in my yard. Basically it’s a lose lose situation for me. So what I did was make a copy of the video, put it on a CD and I’m going to include it with the nice letter I am drafting to send to our city’s mayor. I’m going to let this asshole know that he better start doing something about these lazy no good city workers who cannot do their jobs properly. I’m sick and tired of watching the people who are supposed to be cleaning up our city not doing their jobs and instead adding to the problem. I mean is it really that hard to be a garbage man?
DG
19 August 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on August 19th, 2008 @ 07:43:47 am, using 183 words, 36 views
Just about every day at work we order lunch from the various restaurants in our area. And just about every day I get fucked because they never get my Goddamn order right. There’s nothing worse than being hungry and having a craving for something in particular and once you finally get your food it’s not what or how you wanted it. For instance if you don’t like mayonnaise and you order a hamburger without it and it comes with mayo you get fucking pissed because now that burger you wanted so bad sucks. Or if you order a salad and ask for the dressing on the side with extra tomatoes and the fucker comes back soggy with dressing on it and extra onions instead of tomatoes it really annoys the shit out of me. I just get extremely picky when it comes to someone fucking with my food and I just don’t see how five different places always seem to get my order wrong every day. When you get fucked for lunch it’s supposed to be enjoyable.
DG
18 August 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on August 18th, 2008 @ 07:09:11 am, using 627 words, 43 views
I’m always looking for funny pictures for my blog so I usually browse through several different websites to find the funniest shit I possibly can. Well the other day I came across a picture of two little kids who were both wearing t-shirts that read “GodHatesFags.com”. Now as I was looking at this picture I was thinking to myself “this can’t be real” so I figured I’d go visit www.godhatesfags.com to see if there was any validity to the shirts these two young kids were wearing. Well let me just tell you all that I stepped into a deep realm by visiting these asshole’s website. I spent several hours in amazement trying to figure out what these fuckers were actually doing here and holy shit are these people crazy.
This site belongs to the Westboro Baptist Church based in Topeka Kansas and is headed by this asshole named Fred Phelps. The church is independently owned and there is also no record of the church being affiliated with any legitimate Baptist groups. Apparently these idiots have become famous for protesting at gay rights events, funerals of fallen war soldiers and most recently Bernie Mac’s funeral claiming that his language was unacceptable throughout his career. Basically these fucktards do not like anybody at all and believe that God hates everyone who doesn’t think the way they do. Nuts huh?
One of the most unbelievable things regarding this situation is Westboro Baptist Church’s website www.GodHatesFags.com. These people are part of a church preaching to their followers that God hates homosexual people and also running around the United States trying to convince others of these beliefs. These idiots also claim that just about everything else in this world that is wrong is because that A. God is mad at us and he is dong it to punish us all, ie. The World Trade Center and Hurricane Katrina and B. That homosexual people are the cause of it all. You don’t believe me? Fuck just go to their site you’ll see! The worst part is they are also passing this shit along to their young children who don’t know any better, it’s sick!
These people are supposed to be followers of the Lord Jesus Christ right? Well I’ve never heard of any version of Christianity that preaches hatred. How the fuck do these shitheads know that God hates gay people? Isn’t God supposed to love everyone and always offer forgiveness for our sins? I mean the Jews killed Jesus and still he wasn’t even mad at them, so why would God be mad if two men or two women fuck each other? I just find it very hard to believe that this Church’s version of God is the right one no matter what you version of Christianity you practice.
I try very hard to avoid bringing up my religious beliefs with anyone because no matter what you believe everyone else is different. But there is one thing that I do know and this is that most of your common religions do not practice hatred towards anyone nor does their God. I think that these people are greatly mistaken with their beliefs and that preaching hatred of ANYONE because of their lifestyle is just plain fucking stupidity. These people have no idea that they are actually adding to the problem with society today rather than helping it, and after reading some of the shit on their site there is no telling them otherwise. Yes these fuckers at the Wesboro Baptist Church have no clue at all. I don’t think God hates gay people or anyone else for that matter, do you?
DG
16 August 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on August 16th, 2008 @ 08:35:31 am, using 25 words, 23 views
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken over there … I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its ass"?
DG
15 August 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on August 15th, 2008 @ 07:06:05 am, using 228 words, 58 views
So I smoked a few bowls and drank a bottle of wine last night and I had this “great idea” that I thought would be a funny topic for a “10 Things” blog post. My wife told me it was fucking stupid but I never listen so I wrote it anyway. Well when I woke up this morning is wasn’t quite as funny as when I was buzzed but I’m late to work so this is all you assholes are gonna get for today. So here it is, ten compliments that women will probably take the wrong way.
DG
1. “Damn girl you look so good I wanna cum on you!”
2. “ Nice tits baby, are they real?”
3. “Your ass is so nice I just wanna put my head in there and fall asleep.”
4. “Your pussy tastes way better than my ex’s did.”
5. “You’re a good kisser sweetie, did you learn that from your sister?”
6. “I wanna fuck you so bad that I don’t have time to take a shower.”
7. “You’ve got such a pretty face, but it would be prettier with my dick spread across it.”
8. “You get me so turned on that I just shit and pissed myself.”
9. “My dick only get’s this hard for you baby.”
10. “Damn you suck dick like a pro, have you been doing this for long time?”
14 August 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on August 14th, 2008 @ 07:25:11 am, using 403 words, 25 views
The other day I was in need of some hamburger buns and lottery tickets so I walked my ass over to the “Habeeb” store to get what I needed. Now when I say “Habeeb” store I am not talking about your regular 7-11 here. Depending upon where you live these places are called corner stores or bodegas and they usually have a distinct smell to them, which is why I refer to them as “Habeeb” stores. Anyway as I was standing at the counter waiting for this smelly lady to ring me up I happened to look at some of the shit they hadfor sale in the display rack. Let me just tell you that if there is something in particular that you’re looking for that you cannot find anywhere else these fuckers have it.
For example if you’ve got an issue with premature ejaculation they have about ten different remedies there for that, you should read some of the descriptions on the boxes. If you can’t get your dick hard they also have some other pills and creams that will help you as well. If you need a crack pipe they’ve got it. Weed pipe? They’ve got that too! Can’t get laid? Shit they have some Spanish fly to help you out with that also. Have you ever wanted a Rolex? These fucks have those fake ones that tick backwards on sale for $10.99! Like I said just about anything you need can be found at your local smelly “Habeeb” store, no matter what it is.
Now getting to the point here, I just don’t understand how they get away with selling all this shit. I’ve bitched about this before with the crack pipes but how can you legally sell Lidocaine as an “enhancement” to keep men from coming too fast? That’s got to be illegal right? Don’t the cops go into these stores from time to time to get a pack of doughnuts? I mean they’d have to notice that the counters are loaded with tons of illegal shit so don’t you think they’d do something about it? Why are the “Habeebs” allowed to sell this crap and get away with it? You can legally go into their store and buy a weed pipe but if you get caught with it you go to jail for paraphernalia. What gives?
DG
13 August 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on August 13th, 2008 @ 07:40:38 pm, using 20 words, 29 views
How come freecreditreport.com is not actually, um, you know, like “free"? What gives there “free credit” report guy?
DG
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on August 13th, 2008 @ 07:08:54 am, using 226 words, 23 views
Those of you who know me understand my viewpoint on President Bush. I wont get into too much detail here but in my opinion he is the dumbest fucking president in the history of the United States. This is the guy who represents America and the fucker can’t even speak properly. I’m sure the rest of the world just looks at this ignorant son of a bitch like “Wow, Americans are fucking tools for electing this asshole. Twice!” He is the person who is the leader of our country and is supposed to set an example for the rest of us right? Well how can you do that if you get caught holding a flag like he is in the picture below? And he’s at the Olympics of all places! Do you see his daughter looking at him like “Dad what the fuck are you doing?” It never ceases to amaze me on how fucking dumb this asshole really is and he actually still has people who support him. Well the picture tells it all people, this is our highly intelligent leader, this is the best America has to offer, this is our President George Bush Jr. showing off to the rest of the world how smart he actually is. Thanks to all you assholes who voted for a fucking retard! Go USA!!!!
DG
12 August 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on August 12th, 2008 @ 06:56:39 am, using 259 words, 43 views
I have a daily routine of different blogs and websites that I happen to follow and read religiously. Some of them are really famous sites and some are just regular old assholes like me who like to bitch about things. Hey I like variety! Now one of the things that I also enjoy doing is reading the comments section on these sites, especially on highly debated topics, because I like to see what others have to whine about. But there is one thing that I constantly see on the comments section of a lot of these sites and it really fucking irks me. It’s when these fucking asshole commenters think they have to prove something to themselves and everyone else by putting “first bitches”.
What is the Goddamn fascination with that? Does that make you all feel important because you were “first” to comment about nothing? Do you fucking idiots have some sort of secret race going on that the rest of us don’t know about? I mean I just don’t see the thrill in being the first one not to say anything important. The people who do this shit must be the biggest fucking failures in life and the only thing they can ever be “first” in is commenting on a new story. It’s sad, it’s pathetic and it’s completely fucking unnecessary. Every time I see one of these “first bitches” comments I seriously want to find the asshole who wrote that, smack them in the face and say “second fucker”!
DG
11 August 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on August 11th, 2008 @ 07:14:42 am, using 395 words, 48 views
So Friday morning I had a training session with this woman from our billing system company. Well I was late to work as usual and she was already there by the time I arrived at the office waiting for me. And because I was late I had no time to do my normal morning activities like check my email or take my morning shit. After two cups of coffee my stomach was bubbling like a fresh opened bottle of champagne so lets just say I REALLY had to fucking go. Well I figured she’s only going to be here for a little while so I think I should just hold it instead of taking my normal thirty-minute shit break. As I am sitting there trying to pay attention to what this chick had to say the stomach bubbling began to get worse and probably even noticeable because it was kind of loud. I was then thinking to myself, “If I could just let out a small fart I think maybe I’d feel a little better until I get a chance to take my full shit, plus my farts usually don’t stink anyway.” So I proceeded to nonchalantly lift my leg and let out a very silent and relieving poot that almost seemed to be unnoticeable, big fucking mistake that was! It took about a minute or so and all of a sudden the nastiest fucking smell ever erupted similar to that of a two-week old rotten egg. I panicked because it was one of those farts that you share with your friends, not the training lady, and was so nasty that the only thing I could think of to do at the time was to just get up and excuse myself for a minute. Yup, I left the lady sitting there in my office with that wonderful shit smell. I came back a few minutes later like nothing happened and continued on with the training session. I’m sure this lady will remember that smell for a long ass time and she probably told her supervisor not to send her back to our office again. The moral to this story? If you’ve gotta take a shit, just fucking do it! Because you never know when and where you might let a little out and possibly make an ass of yourself.
DG
10 August 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on August 10th, 2008 @ 12:22:37 pm, using 52 words, 31 views
Word to the wise, it’s not a good idea to have sex with a park bench because your dick might get stuck in it like this guy! I guess his hand was no longer getting the job done. What the fuck was this jackoff thinking?
DG
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