Archive for the 'Things That Make You Go Hmmmm' Category

Vote for Vermin Supreme lol

Published on January 12, 2012 in Daily Bitching, Things That Make You Go Hmmmm and Weird Fucking News. 0 Comments

Yesterday this video was brought to my attention about an independent presidential candidate named Vermin Supreme. Does his name sound weird to you?  Well, it should because this guy is a little out there to say the least. Old Vermin here has some very strange political views, but his video has gone so viral that he actually has a 14% democratic approval rating in the primaries. If elected Vermin vows to provide a pony to every person in the United States and that pony will be used to identify us with his proposed “pony identification system”. He also proposes putting a law into place requiring everyone in America to brush their teeth and he supports zombie apocalypse awareness. No, I’m totally not making this shit up. Vermin Supreme is 100% real and this actually is not his first time running for office. This guy is totally fuckin out there, but honestly what politician isn’t? The funny thing is that Vermin Supreme is now becoming an internet sensation and he actually has a chance at running because of this. I don’t know about the rest of you, but that pony sounds pretty enticing to me. Anyway take a look at the video below and decide for yourself. Would you vote for Vermin Supreme?

DG

Click here for Vermin’s unofficial website, or click here for his Wikipedia page.

Just when you thought you’ve seen it all.

Published on January 11, 2012 in Things That Make You Go Hmmmm and Weird Fucking News. 1 Comment

I’m a little pressed for time this morning, but I wanted to share this story with you to let you all know how fucked up this world is sometimes. An 18 year old kid who was killed in 2008 by an Amtrak train is now being sued by a woman who says she was injured by his flying body parts. Well, his family is being sued. Is that not one of the most insane things you’ve ever heard in your life? I really don’t know what to say about this other than some people are just assholes. The kid didn’t commit suicide here, it was a freakin accident. Leave him and his family alone. Don’t you think they’ve suffered enough?

Click here for the full story.

DG

Only when it’s time to wakeup!

Published on January 3, 2012 in Things That Make You Go Hmmmm. 1 Comment

I don’t know what it is, but for some reason the comfiest spot ever found on my bed only comes when it’s time to actually get up in the morning. I could toss and turn all night long and never find that perfect spot to fall asleep in. Then as soon as my freakin alarm clock goes off and I hit the snooze button I seem to be in the most comfortable place. It never fails. This has been happening since I was a kid when I had to get up for school, and still happens to this day when I have to wakeup for work. It’s one of those unexplainable phenomenons that I’ll never know the answer to. Does this happen to you too?

DG

Fighting over a pair of shoes??

Published on December 30, 2011 in Daily Bitching and Things That Make You Go Hmmmm. 1 Comment

So last week I read several stories about people fighting over a pair of Air Jordan sneakers that were just released. Not only were these people fighting over a pair of fucking shoes, but others were arrested, and a couple more people were stabbed, all over sneakers that cost 180 freakin dollars. Yes, that’s one hundred and eighty dollars for some shoes that sure they’re Air Jordans, but the damn things are remakes of the same shoes that were released several years ago back when I was in high school. You people who do shit like this are out of your fucking minds. First off who spends that kind of money on shoes that technically aren’t even new? Second, where in the hell are some of these inner city poor kids fighting over them getting the money to purchase 180 dollar sneakers in the first place? And what’s the big fucking deal about a pair of shoes? I like nice sneakers as much as anyone else, but I’m not stabbing people and fighting to get myself a new pair. I just can’t believe that this whole scenario even took place to begin with and I wan’t to know where in the hell are these people’s priorities? This definitely sends a message to the rest of the world that Americans are getting dumber and dumber, and that the only one laughing about all this is Michael Jordan.

DG

M&M’s DO melt in your hand!

Published on December 29, 2011 in Daily Bitching and Things That Make You Go Hmmmm. 1 Comment

First off let me start by saying that peanut M&M’s are/is the best candy in the freakin world. If you don’t believe so then you are just an idiot. Next I’d like to say that the people at M&M’s Mars are full of shit. Ever since I was a young child I remember the phrase, “Melts in your mouth, not in your hands.” That is total crap! Have you ever eaten M&M’s? Have you ever eaten M&M’s in the humidity of Florida? Sure, they may not melt in your hand up in Pittsburg, but they melt in my hand every fucking time I eat them down here. I don’t know how they can get away with false advertising like that, but they do. Still that doesn’t change the fact that I absolutely love their candy, it just makes me wonder if I could make a product so good that I could totally lie about it and people wouldn’t care. Either way I’m still going to continue to eat my M&M’s, but I just wanted to simply point out that they’re a bunch of liars over there at Mars Candy.

DG

The reason why South Florida sports teams always suck.

Published on December 1, 2011 in Daily Bitching and Things That Make You Go Hmmmm. 1 Comment

So as some of you know I happen to live in sunny South Florida. If living down here all my life has taught me one thing it’s the fact that there is always some type of party happening, especially in Miami. Some of you may also know that in the past 12 or more years pretty much all of our sports teams down here suck major ass, most notably the Miami Dolphins. Yes, I’m a big Dolphins fan, I always have been and I’m going to use them as my example here. Watching them constantly playing like shit, no matter what expensive star player we sign, has prompted me to come up with this crazy theory that I’ve had for quite some time now. My belief? Well, you give a young kid fresh out of college millions and millions of dollars, send him to the party capital of the US and expect him to focus solely on football. Not going to happen. I remember a couple years ago I was out at the Hard Rock at about 3AM and saw the then star players of the Dolphins, Joey Porter and Ted Ginn, drunk on their way home just a day before a big game. How the hell can you be out partying till early morning hours all week and expect to perform at 100% on game day? Exactly, you can’t! And this my friends is the point I’m trying to make here. All these big name football, and other sports players, come to South Florida and play like total fucking shit. As soon as they leave here they start playing better and become super stars. Coincidence?

Look at this guy, Brandon Marshall, he was just recently detained by the police for not paying his cab fare. Apparently he was at a party till 7am in Miami and decided to take a cab home, click here for that story. He then got out of one cab to use the bathroom and jumped into another one. Maybe he was trying to skip his fare, maybe not, but the fact of the matter is he’s our star receiver and is out on a weeknight before a game partying like it’s nobody’s business. How is that going to affect him for Sunday’s game? Do you see where I’m going with all this? You can’t be young, rich and famous and expect to come to Miami without the urge to party with all the beautiful women and crazy night life scenes down here. It’s a temptation to someone who is now insanely rich that they just cannot pass up. The downside is that the teams suffer because of this and is my belief as to why we just can never seem to get things going, no matter what players, coaches or office staff our teams have. So there you have it people, my theory as to why our sports teams suck in South Florida. If you can keep these guys out of “da club” and away from all the booze, drugs and hot women we might get a wining team. Until then I don’t expect us to win at anything but arrest records.

DG

The great mystery of the missing dish soap.

Published on October 27, 2011 in Daily Bitching and Things That Make You Go Hmmmm. 2 Comments

I don’t know what the reason is, or how it keeps on happening, but for some reason we’re ALWAYS out of dish soap at my house. It seems like every single fuckin time I go to wash my hands, or wash a dish, the dish soap dispenser never has any soap in it. My wife and I will go to the grocery store, purchase two of the biggest bottles of dish soap they carry and for some reason the damn thing is forever empty. We can’t explain where it’s going, or how we’re using so much, but it’s getting to the point where I think someone is totally fucking with me. There has to be some type of dish soap gnomes sneaking into our house in the middle of the night and stealing our dish soap for their evil doing. That has to be the answer because there’s just no other explanation for it. We buy dish soap, it disappears. We buy dish soap again, yup disappears again. I honestly think I’m going to have to stay up all night and guard my kitchen sink with a shotgun in hopes that I can find out who, or what, is stealing my damn dish soap. I just don’t get it. Why me?

DG

Porn School?

Published on October 13, 2011 in Daily Bitching and Things That Make You Go Hmmmm. 2 Comments

So yesterday morning as I was checking my email I happened to notice a new one come through to my junk folder. Normally I delete these without even looking, but yesterday this one in particular caught my eye. It’s from an adult porn site claiming that they can help me start a career in pornography. Here’s what that email said…

If you’re interested in making money in the adult industry, I have some good news…and some bad news.

THE GOOD NEWS:
X-Rated University opened access to their online VIP Coaching Program, teaching all the secrets how to make money in the adult industry.

People wanting to learn how to get in this $10+ billion per year industry have already jumped on-board.

X-Rated University has built a really cool community for those looking to start their own adult business, become a producer, run a paysite, begin a career working for a major adult company, being a pornstar…or just living the life of being surrounded by beautiful women all day.

THE BAD NEWS:
They’re only letting 50 people into their training program.
After that, access to the program will be closed off.

Well I’ll be damned! Can you believe this one? I mean it sounds like a pretty good idea if you think about it. The economy is in a total shit hole right now and there are many people out there who just cannot seem to find a job. You’ve got educated people working at McDonalds or cleaning floors just to make ends meet and times are really tough. Now while I don’t condone someone sucking dick for money, I do however believe that in America you should be able to make a decent living without having to totally bust your ass. So if any of you out there are interested you can contact X-Rated University to get your degree in pornology. What will they think of next?

DG

Oh, and if you’re close to my age I’m sure you used to watch porn like this as a kid.

Toddlers in Tiaras eh?

Published on October 6, 2011 in Daily Bitching and Things That Make You Go Hmmmm. 1 Comment

Since I was already on the topic of shitty TLC shows this week, I figured why not add one more? Today I’d like to complain about the TLC show Toddlers in Tiaras. Now I could go on and on about the immoral and tasteless shit that this show is representing, but I’ll keep it plain and simple. These ‘parents’ are portraying their kids on this show like they do dogs at pedigree shows. You’ve got these overweight, talentless mothers who obviously have been ugly and oppressed all their lives so they’re living out their dreams of being pretty through their children. It’s sickening! The pressure to be the prettiest and best that these little girls have to deal with has got to be very bad for these kid’s self esteem and future outlook on life. It’s sad to see the way they act and I can’t believe these people can look themselves in the mirror everyday after forcing their children to be subjected to this shit. You know for sure that the kids didn’t get the idea to do this on their own. And the absolute worst part about the show in it’s entirety is that it’s a Goddamn pedophile’s dream show! Think about it, who else wants to see little girls dress and act like that? Certainly not me! But you can bet your ass that there’s plenty of creepy old men out there masturbating to reruns of this shit that they saved on Tivo. It’s a shame that because of the selfishness these parents have that their children will never know what it’s like to be a regular old kid, playing outside and acting like a normal child should. The parents and the people at TLC ought to be ashamed of themselves for allowing this garbage to be aired on television and subjecting these children to this shit. What is the fuckin world coming to?

DG

The use of the # sign after saying something on Facebook

Published on September 29, 2011 in Daily Bitching and Things That Make You Go Hmmmm. 2 Comments

I don’t know what it is with some of you people, but using the # sign after making a statement on Facebook is fuckin dumb. Do you know what I’m referring to here? Let me explain… You see some people, aka douches, like to post a status on Facebook and immediately afterwards they put #somedumbshit after whatever the hell they are saying. I know this is some type of Twitter thing that tags something, but as far as I know it’s not supposed to be used on the Facebook. It’s annoying and I really wished you idiots would please stop this crap. #thisisthedumbestshitever

DG